My husband and I have been seperated for several years. I have refused to attempt any reconciliation if he will not go to marraige counseling. Well a couple of months ago, he finally decided to do marraige counseling and even has made all the appointments. He is a passive aggressive type, or at least I think. The T says he lacks ability to identify and express emotions basically. There has been some progress in our communication and understanding. We are trying to date and see if there is a relationship to salvage.
However, during these years, my daughter who is now 26 has made it her job to make me miserable. She has been verbally and physically abusive, run my company off, makes demands that I can not physically do, lacks empathy, played me and her father against each other, tells me how much everyone hates me, etc. She has had a real hard effect on how I feel about myself. I feel very beaten down. Her father has always stuck up for her, even when any reasonable person can see that she is out of line. She exagerates and embelishes stories and gossips about me. I got her-her first job in high school, and all she did was bash me to other employees. She did the same with friends and their parents. She is like a crazy maker. While she did not cause my problems, she sure has had a hand in escalating them. She is a drama queen and some of my friends stopped coming around because of the scenes she makes. She stomps around and makes others feel unwelcome. She has drained every dollar out of me and I am on disability, but she has been relentless in getting me to do things like moving her furniture every year. About a year ago, in severe pain, I lost it and said some really mean things to her. Since then she refuses contact. While I miss her, I am also not walking on eggshells. She is a bully. She is smart and manipulative. She had a huge scholarship undergrad and lost it. I got her thru law school and she now practices in the small town I live in.
Last month my husbands uncle died. First he called his brother in another state, then me, then this daughter, then the younger daughter. She was outraged that he called me before her and told him off and would not talk to him for 3 days. While I know this is childish and immature, and he just lets her ride it out and says he doesnt care if she won't talk to him, I know he feels hurt and he is hesitant to tell me about things like this.
He and I are planning to go to a music festival this Saturday with a group of friends. She works a booth at this festival every year with about 3000-5000 attendance. I have loved this festival before she even knew about it and attended it regularly. He called her and asked her about the policy on putting up a canapy for the day.
She went nuts on him-that he and I would be there, making it clear that she would not speak to me if she saw me and since he chose to go with me, she would not speak with him either. She cried and sobbed. I guess she told him off pretty good, stating that our presence would ruin her day and how could he do this to her. She accused him of not spending time with her and visiting her at our home only so he could see me and not her.
I have carried this weight on my shoulders all day. Yet I know if I share how I feel with him, he will not tell me of these attacks in the future. He says that he is seeing another side of her. Yea, one that I have dealt with single handed all these years. I have watched her con him repeatedly.
I don't know if we can salvage our relationship after all of these yrs apart, and he and my daughter have colluded and lied and created problems for me in their partnership before. I am trying to be forgiving on this. For the most part, he has been a workaholic and left me to take care of everything else.
He will likely not retire for another 8-10 yrs. I want to move out of town for many reasons, maybe an hour away. He has to take care of his elderly mother anyway and could visit on weekends if we work things out. She is one reason I want away from here. I dont want a confrontation with her either. My trauma happened in the house I live in back in 2008. There is no work in my field given the limited hrs I can work here. So we already have many issues. I have always given in to him about big decisions like the houses we have bought. This big house has about done me in keeping up with it all by myself. It is also too expensive with me not working.
So to summarize, while I would like our relationship to work, it is going to have to be by short distance if I have any say in it. I have no reason to stay-and he is very resistant. In addition, this daughter has been abusing me for years and he has sided with him. Now that we are dating, she is attacking him and he says he feels like he is walking on eggshells. I am afraid that us together will interfere with his relationship with my daughter and she has nobody else in the family. I am afraid for her because it is like she will cut her nose off to spite her face. Her goal to destroy me will interfere with her own success. She gained well over 100 pounds during college and the dr said she is heading for diabetes. I fear she has no conscious, like my father, and even wonder if there is something genetic. (he was a brilliant lawyer too, sneaky, manipulative, without empathy). I think Im sad, then angry. I dont even want to go to this music festival now. I was a very good mother. My children always came first and were treated with respect. I dont know what happened to my beautiful daughter but there is something wrong with her.
I know I am venting. I am so confused. Its been so embedded in me that I am not allowed to be happy or enjoy anything in life. If I would be laughing, she would attack with drama and mood would change (co-dependent I know). It has been more peaceful with her gone, but at first I think I was abusing myself in her absence. Now things have calmed. I dont know how to react to this. Any advice is welcome. Has anyone else been abused by a teen or adult child?
However, during these years, my daughter who is now 26 has made it her job to make me miserable. She has been verbally and physically abusive, run my company off, makes demands that I can not physically do, lacks empathy, played me and her father against each other, tells me how much everyone hates me, etc. She has had a real hard effect on how I feel about myself. I feel very beaten down. Her father has always stuck up for her, even when any reasonable person can see that she is out of line. She exagerates and embelishes stories and gossips about me. I got her-her first job in high school, and all she did was bash me to other employees. She did the same with friends and their parents. She is like a crazy maker. While she did not cause my problems, she sure has had a hand in escalating them. She is a drama queen and some of my friends stopped coming around because of the scenes she makes. She stomps around and makes others feel unwelcome. She has drained every dollar out of me and I am on disability, but she has been relentless in getting me to do things like moving her furniture every year. About a year ago, in severe pain, I lost it and said some really mean things to her. Since then she refuses contact. While I miss her, I am also not walking on eggshells. She is a bully. She is smart and manipulative. She had a huge scholarship undergrad and lost it. I got her thru law school and she now practices in the small town I live in.
Last month my husbands uncle died. First he called his brother in another state, then me, then this daughter, then the younger daughter. She was outraged that he called me before her and told him off and would not talk to him for 3 days. While I know this is childish and immature, and he just lets her ride it out and says he doesnt care if she won't talk to him, I know he feels hurt and he is hesitant to tell me about things like this.
He and I are planning to go to a music festival this Saturday with a group of friends. She works a booth at this festival every year with about 3000-5000 attendance. I have loved this festival before she even knew about it and attended it regularly. He called her and asked her about the policy on putting up a canapy for the day.
She went nuts on him-that he and I would be there, making it clear that she would not speak to me if she saw me and since he chose to go with me, she would not speak with him either. She cried and sobbed. I guess she told him off pretty good, stating that our presence would ruin her day and how could he do this to her. She accused him of not spending time with her and visiting her at our home only so he could see me and not her.
I have carried this weight on my shoulders all day. Yet I know if I share how I feel with him, he will not tell me of these attacks in the future. He says that he is seeing another side of her. Yea, one that I have dealt with single handed all these years. I have watched her con him repeatedly.
I don't know if we can salvage our relationship after all of these yrs apart, and he and my daughter have colluded and lied and created problems for me in their partnership before. I am trying to be forgiving on this. For the most part, he has been a workaholic and left me to take care of everything else.
He will likely not retire for another 8-10 yrs. I want to move out of town for many reasons, maybe an hour away. He has to take care of his elderly mother anyway and could visit on weekends if we work things out. She is one reason I want away from here. I dont want a confrontation with her either. My trauma happened in the house I live in back in 2008. There is no work in my field given the limited hrs I can work here. So we already have many issues. I have always given in to him about big decisions like the houses we have bought. This big house has about done me in keeping up with it all by myself. It is also too expensive with me not working.
So to summarize, while I would like our relationship to work, it is going to have to be by short distance if I have any say in it. I have no reason to stay-and he is very resistant. In addition, this daughter has been abusing me for years and he has sided with him. Now that we are dating, she is attacking him and he says he feels like he is walking on eggshells. I am afraid that us together will interfere with his relationship with my daughter and she has nobody else in the family. I am afraid for her because it is like she will cut her nose off to spite her face. Her goal to destroy me will interfere with her own success. She gained well over 100 pounds during college and the dr said she is heading for diabetes. I fear she has no conscious, like my father, and even wonder if there is something genetic. (he was a brilliant lawyer too, sneaky, manipulative, without empathy). I think Im sad, then angry. I dont even want to go to this music festival now. I was a very good mother. My children always came first and were treated with respect. I dont know what happened to my beautiful daughter but there is something wrong with her.
I know I am venting. I am so confused. Its been so embedded in me that I am not allowed to be happy or enjoy anything in life. If I would be laughing, she would attack with drama and mood would change (co-dependent I know). It has been more peaceful with her gone, but at first I think I was abusing myself in her absence. Now things have calmed. I dont know how to react to this. Any advice is welcome. Has anyone else been abused by a teen or adult child?
