I Cant Get Emdr To Work

[stringthe0ry]

I have been giving myself EMDR for a couple of years now but I have only been successful once. I am only sucessful if I find something that upsets me, like a picture. I found a picture of a woman I used to love when I was in high school and for some reason it made me feel very anxious and humiliated. I listened to EMDR beeping in my ears for an hour and a half while looking at the picture and it worked really well.

I feel back to normal compared to before my gang rape except for the fact that I am still asexual. But I dont feel back to normal compared to before my dad forced me to masterbate for three hours then forced me to give him a blowjob when I was a child. I feel numb but just thinking about it doesnt upset me I have tried alot of times to give myself EMDR for it but it just doesnt work.

Usually when youre trumatised, just thinking about the abuse is very upsetting but I know I'm traumatised because I feel numb. Why isnt it upsetting ? Am I blocking out the emotions? How can I get EMDR to work?

I have been asking for therapy for 6 years now and they are finally thinking of doing it but the waiting list is going to be about another year. I am very frustrated and I just want to get or give myself something that works. Will CBT help me?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I believe CBT can help everyone, PTSD or no, discover ways in which we think that can be changed to improve our quality of life.

The numbing isn't that we don't feel upset, but a mental defence walling off the emotion lest we be overwhelmed.

I'm 2 1/2 years into CBT (had DBT as well for a year) and will finally begin EMDR this week, hopefully.

I'd greatly caution you against self-EMDR...that you aren't feeling relief and dissociating sounds like it's not working but could be slowing down your recovery.

I'm sorry for all you have endured. (((((stringtheory)))))

 

[Shellbell]

I am sorry for all you have been through as well.

I don't have much advice on the EMDR, but I agree with BloomInWinter's post.

((((hugs))))

 

[stringthe0ry]

Will CBT help me to stop feeling numb?

 

[BloomInWinter]

Yes. Combined with good mindfulness practice, you will naturally gain skills for identifying your triggers and situations, thoughts which drive up your distress level until you 'numb out.'

At least, this has been very true for me. DBT helped me a LOT with this, as well. Now, I don't numb out nearly as much as I used to. I have a lot more control and choices over my thoughts which can help me or add to the anxiety.

It takes real time in the real world practicing the skills until they become automatic in our toolkit.

 

[BloomInWinter]

EMDR should never begin until we have good grounding skills, or we get driven out of the 'therapeutic window' where trauma is processed and transformed.

There's a thread on grounding techniques at [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/grounding-101.12459/[/DLMURL]

 

[stringthe0ry]

But when I meditate I still feel disconnected from my envrionment and myself. I feel like that all the time, not just when my stress levels are high. I dont actually get stressed out or triggered very often, I've stopped having flashbacks

 

[BloomInWinter]

Hmmmm....how often and for how long are you meditating? What type do you do?

 

[stringthe0ry]

I gave up meditating, I used to do a type were you just foucus on your breath for about ten minuites.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Meditation takes a long time for some to master...

It was a good nine months before I started to feel noticeable benefit on my own (my therapist guides me every session). Now I'm about 1 3/4 years in and it takes only a few seconds at most for me to bring on the calm through meditative techniques.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I can't imagine getting any relief from self-administering EMDR. It should be done by someone who is trained, and takes time to get to know you. I've done EMDR with my T, and it has done great things for me. But, you need a guide, someone trained to 'talk you down' if you get overly upset.

Self-hypnosis works well if you practice enough. The disconnect can help you relax, and it's good to be able to let your mind drift. But, be sure you have wise counsel teaching and guiding you.

Having someone else's input is very important in the healing process, and it's very hard to see 'outside the box' when you are IN the box.

Take care!!

 

[BloomInWinter]

I've found mindfulness meditation extremely helpful to decreasing my dissociation.

There's interesting, hopeful science on it, too...

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