I can't have sex....

[Bryn]

I am a straight 22 year old female,and I lost my virginity in October to my still current boyfriend. I have had a lot of sex since we will say around 100 times. Regardless after the sex is over I have horrible flashbacks and can't even be touched. I just lay there wondering if it was the right thing or if I really wanted it, or if I just did it to please my boyfriend. Most of the time, I realize I just wanted to please them. I feel no passion during sex even though my body reaches orgasm sometimes, other times I have flashbacks. I am lost, I have no idea what to do, and I want to be intimate with my boyfriend. My boyfriend suggested I get counseling, so I started taking the steps to do so but, without the proper money I am on a 3+ month waiting list. I am so tired and decided to go back to self harming because of this. My boyfriend and I are on a sex break for the moment being because of all thats going on with me, but honestly I don't know if thats changed much for the better or has only made it worse. What do I do I am so lost and out of Ideas... thanks.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Are you in school??? If so does your school possible have a councilor on hand??? Is it possible you can go see a priest, or some other religious person in the community????

Don’t give up hope, there is a ton of information on this site that can help you in the meantime. Read read and ask many many questions.

 

[Bryn]

Are you in school??? If so does your school possible have a councilor on hand??? Is it possible you can...

I’m not in school so that’s out of the question. And sex before marriage in the church isn’t a great thing so I’m not really ok with going to a pastor, plus they will say just pray... grew up with the crap it’s all the same.

 

[Rumors]

Do you have ptsd that causes the flashbacks? What are the flashbacks about?

 

[Bryn]

Do you have ptsd that causes the flashbacks? What are the flashbacks about?

Yes I do

 

[Deleted member 541]

I’m sorry that you feel you can’t turn to a religious entity for help. I used to talk to 2 ministers that helped me tremendously at one point in my healing...

 

[Rumors]

Yes I do

Your post is vague but I would suggest that you go see someone that can help you with this. A trauma therapist would be a good start. They might be able to help you work through the flashbacks and separate them from your real life relationships. Good luck.

 

[Bryn]

Your post is vague but I would suggest that you go see someone that can help you with this. A trauma the...

The issue is I don’t have money and the free counseling for that is a 3+ month waiting list so... that’s why I don’t know what to do

 

[Deleted member 541]

Are you reading through posts here??? There is a ton of information that can be really helpful to you. Ask more questions, we have a wealth of knowledge with what all of us have been through.

 

[Rumors]

The issue is I don’t have money and the free counseling for that is a 3+ month waiting list so... that’s why I don’...

Sign up for the free therapy today and the 3 months starts ticking. If in 3 months something else works out you can cancel. Or, perhaps it will take less than three months. The only thing I can tell you is that doing nothing isn’t really a good option either. You can come here and ask and people are giving you options but none seem to fit the criteria you are looking for. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to that. Doing something and making a step can often times break loose the chains that keep us held hostage. I really hope you figure it out but my best advice is to sign up for the three month wait. Also, if you can share here some things it may bring you some relief to have support. Good luck! Hang in there!

 

[Phantom Shadow]

Lady: I have been married almost 38 years. Until about 2 years thought I had a great life. Well my wife finally told me the samething that you told your boyfriend. She is in therapy since that day. We have not had sex since that day because I also have PTSD Military thou and my flashbacks are very bad and I would not want anyone especially my wife having to deal with them. I would tell you to get into therapy and work it out. That way you can enjoy a super important part of of marriage when the time is right. It put a huge wedge between my wife and myself for a while because I could not understand her telling me for so many years.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sadly this is most likely not an issue that can be solved by asking random strangers on the internet what to do. It’s a deeper consequence of trauma and imho takes work in one-on-one therapy.