I Can't Leave Therapy

[Freedomfighter]

I can not even describe the intensity I am having. Ill just put it as PTSD at its finest. I have wante...

When you are being treated by a therapist and pay the bills, would you not be the one to decide who you want to pay? Or am I missing something here?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I'm sorry to hear all you're suffering with now.

Is there some need being met by staying? I was terrified to separate from my hubby but it turned out there was a need being met that I was unable to see for a long time. Once we identified that and began working on the skills to meet the need (for financial security) myself, the resistance just finally went away and it was relatively easy then...after YEARS of course.

I'm sad that you are still referring to yourself with words like 'pathetic.' That's a very harsh judgment for just being overwhelmed.

I'm sending wishes that whatever you need to feel safe and get on the road to getting past this issue comes to you and gives you strength.

 

[Nighthawk]

Date for termination this Thursday. Im going to take the leap.

 

[expectingbetter]

@Nighthawk
great to hear that you have put the date!
That's great news, just be confident and do what you need to do!
You have our support!

 

[VioletButterfly]

Best to you. I know how difficult it is to leave a very close therapeutic relationship. VB

 

[Nighthawk]

Seriously this relates to killing a relationship, Murder or assasination. I have completly emotionly detached. I dont see how this is healthy

 

[Panda Bear]

I'm completely emotionally attached to my therapist.....and it's okay. Very okay, and we are both aware of it. It'll suck to leave him, but it's a good thing.

 

[Nighthawk]

I have commited to leaving her tomorrow. I have also chosen to not pursue the new therapist at this time. I dont like this attachment thing I have canceled my appointments with the new therapist. Im not sure I will ever choose to re enter any form of attachment based relationship other than with an animal. I seem to have ver the last several weeks closed all my existing relationships with the ending of this therapist. I have said a lot of goodbyes and now I am so stone cold detached. Ill be okay Im sure

 

[scout86]

Seriously this relates to killing a relationship, Murder or assasination.

Those are the only options for changing a relationship? Or ending one?

I feel like there's something I should say, because this has a 'not real healthy' feel to it that's totally familiar...... And, if I actually had my own stuff sorted out, maybe I'd know what that is. All I can think to say is it sounds like there's something missing. Best of all possible worlds, you end a therapeutic relationship because you mutually agree that there's good reason and you're ready. This doesn't exactly sound like that.

I dont like this attachment thing

I wish I had a dollar for every time I've angrily told myself, "That was stupid! I'm never going to get attached to anyone (not necessarily a person) ever again!" Is that what you're talking about when you say "this attachment thing"?

 

[Nighthawk]

@scout86 To answer your question yes that is what it feels like. As to your top response I do believe its time for me to leave and we have both agreed we are stuck. My reasons for going are valid. The insanty behind leaving I don quit understand. Either way I will leave tomorrow because I now see this as unhealthy either way.

 

[Justmehere]

Seriously this relates to killing a relationship, Murder or assasination. I have completly emotionly detached. I dont see how this is healthy

Not actually murder. Or assassination.

I went through a therapy termination. The therapist was moving away and the therapy had run it's course anyhow.

It. was. one. of. the. hardest. things. I. have. ever. done.

It was also one of the best.

There was something pretty incredible about walking through what felt like trauma all over again, and yet getting through it to the other side and experiencing that I was ok. I was safe.

This is gonna feel bad and like the past is happening again, and it's going to hurt, but it's not actually the past happening again.

I'd encourage you to perhaps also not see this as a total ending, a death of a relationship, but perhaps even just pausing. Take a break. Take some time off. Connect to anything and everything in this present moment that feels safe and real, and that can bring you out of these feelings from the past and back to this moment now and out of this reaction form the past, from when you were a child and having an attachment figure stay in your life, no matter what, was actually something you needed to sustain life. It's not the attachment that needs to be feared or that is likely driving all this pain and your reaction. It's the past, and that in the past losing a relationship could impact your ability to live.

Now, it might hurt like hell, but you can find the things you need to live and get support for you, when you are ready to reach out for support with the new therapist.

You are taking some good steps, even in the midst of difficult ones. :hug:

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Nighthawk, please do one thing for me; just breathe. Slow, deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. I'm not home right now, but I will inbox you later. I just wanted you to know that I read and *hear* your distress and someone is listening! I will never tell you that I know how you feel because I haven't been in your exact shoes, but I will tell you that you're not alone. Another thing, I will never say that it will be OK because one thing I've learned is that there are no guaranteed perfections in life or relationships; however, I can tell you that the intensity of what you're feeling in the moment and will diminish, even if it's just a little bit. If you can put words to things, you are not completely detached. Keep doing what you're doing, we hear you!