I can't live with my parents, but i can't leave them.

[white hyacinth]

I'm 18 and still live with my parents. I so want to get away from them but I can't. My mental health deteriorated to the point where I dropped out of school in 9th grade so I'm dependent on them for everything. They are part of the reason I'm like this, (depressed, suicidal, anxious, dissociating,) in the first place, but they will never take responsibility for it. Years and years of emotional abuse, lies, gaslighting, etc has worn me down to nothing. They let me rot. I want to get out of here but I can't even function. They ruined me. They deny that they ever did anything wrong. I don't have anyone I can trust or talk to besides my therapist.

I go to therapy, talk to my therapist about how my parents make me want to die, and come back home to them with their actions fresh on my mind, it hurts to be around them and to think of what they've done. For all intents and purposes I'm alone in this world. I don't have anyone who loves me and shows it. My parents claim to love me but if that's love then I don't want anything to do with it. If I have to continue to be with them I will never get better. But I can't get away from them if I don't get better.

All I can think to do is die. There's nowhere to go from here, I don't want to live in a world like this full of morally corrupt people who will only take advantage of me, and I don't want my parents to have me in their possession to toy around with anymore. Even if I did get away from my parents I am still surrounded by the rest of the worlds filth. There is nowhere to run or hide, everywhere there are people who only wish to inflict harm on each other. The only way to escape this world of suffering is to leave it all behind.

 

[Justmehere]

Have you looked into a GED program? There are some self paced ones. It might be a way to start to gain some hope that things can change. Your parents may never change, but things may very well be able to change for you.

There is good out there in the world and your life can be a part of what is good. Ya gotta hang on through this and not listen to the lies of depression that there is no hope.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @lullaby19.. I'm so sorry you're parents have let you down and treat you badly....

But you are worth so much more.... And you can get out of their home..... It won't be easy... Nothing that's worth anything ever is...

How about some volunteering... Maybe kids who are needing help and support, just like you did when you were young. Or something you enjoy. Don't give up on yourself.. You have your whole life ahead of you.... And you will do great things.... But you're the only one that can make changes to your life.

And yes evil is our there but there is so much good too.... Good people... Like the people here.... Talk to your therapist see if she can suggest housing....please don't give up

 

[Deleted member 541]

First of all stop saying that you can’t. That creates a negative thought pattern that just causes more depressiona and more negative thought patterns. Start telling yourself that you will get out and start making a plan to do so. I think that you’re in a rut that you feel like you can’t get out, but with will and desire you CAN get out.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you looked into social programs in your community that could help?

 

[scout86]

I go to therapy, talk to my therapist about how my parents make me want to die, and come back home

If that's all you're doing in therapy, you might want to consider changing something.

Blaming your parents won't get you anywhere. Stuff might be their fault, but it is what it is. Where you're at NOW is all you can actually deal with, and there's more you can do with that that sit around and complain about how your parents "make" you feel. Learning the skills it takes to get you out and on your own is an option and your therapist ought to be able to help.

 

[Supervixn]

I know exactly how you feel from having first hand knowledge and experience with what you've described. I'm 30. I'm free from it.

You're young. Life will change--*inevitably*. What you're experiencing is a codependence.

It's scarier to think of breaking away than it actually is... believe me, please. It WILL be alright. You have to choose to take a different direction. Their abuse has emotional influence and control over you... but it will fade ONLY WITH DISTANCE (!). Small steps toward independence is the best and the only way. When you're ready to face the fear of the unknown, and to recognize that sometimes it just is better to sever ties (physically, emotionally, whatever), you'll be ready to take that step. I mean think about it: who in this entire world could be worse toward you than them? Who could ever rival their negative influence? Probably no one. Give life and give the world a chance. Let yourself be optimistic. You'll be out one day. You'll know life on the "other side" of their asylum.

Good luck to you

 

[white hyacinth]

Have you looked into a GED program? There are some self paced ones. It might be a way to start to ga...

I've thought about looking into a GED program, but I want to get back on meds first right now because I am barely functioning enough to do everyday stuff sometimes. After I left regular school I did online school for awhile but that fell apart.

 

[Supervixn]

Another thing to add if I may... I stayed and came around longer than neccessary because I always hoped for that healthy love I didn't get. As though it would one day magically come. But people are limited and they have rheir problems too unfortunately

 

[white hyacinth]

If that's all you're doing in therapy, you might want to consider changing something.

Blaming your parents won't get you anywhere.

It's not, I go to therapy twice a week, because there are so many things to cover. It's not that simple. Maybe I have mislead you.

sit around and complain about how your parents "make" you feel

I'm not just sitting around complaining. I don't know why you make this assumption. I'm trying to do what little I can to get better, even though it has proven to be extremely difficult. I'm still trying, even if it's not much.

Learning the skills it takes to get you out and on your own is an option and your therapist ought to be able to help.

Slowly but surely..... I've only been seeing her for a few months. It takes time and it's supposed to get worse before it gets better.

 

[Justmehere]

I've only been seeing her for a few months. It takes time and it's supposed to get worse before it gets better.

That to me suggests there is good reason to hope that things will indeed get better.

Have you considered a partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient program to get stabilized?

Thing is, I can’t change my abusers any more than you can change yours. And yet we both can make changes to heal from the past, and fair or not, that responsibility to manage our own recovery and healing falls on us. It’s not being responsible for what they did, but it is being responsible for what we do now.

As bad as things are, you have options. Don’t lose sight of that. :hug:

 

[white hyacinth]

Have you considered a partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient program to get stabilized?

Yeah, I've been thinking about doing an IOP.