I Can't Possibly Have This

[Neverthesame]

@FridayJones Thanks again for putting into text exactly the point I wanted to make. You have a skill with words I do not.

@stenni What Friday said. That is what I was trying to say to you.

 

[ms spock]

Is there a medical ombudsman that you could write to @stenni?

 

[Sandstone]

I know she is at work, because T has reminded her several times, and seems puzzled she hasn't called. I'm not asking for anything complicated. This residential place is in my Budget anyway fro a week, so all that is needed is to change the number 1 week to 4 weeks. I know there is enough money in the budget - over half of it is uncommitted.

I think it would be perfectly reasonable for them to dislike me given what I've done in the past. And because of that I won't put the receptionists through having to answer the phone to me or see me. It's perfectly possible that I am now someone's trigger. So I can't contact them, I have to wait. The only time I've contacted them is on a day when I knew that without some hope I'd OD. It's not that bad now.

 

[Sandstone]

No , the Ombudsman doesn't step in until the complaint process is complete.

 

[ms spock]

Hmmm that is unhelpful @stenni.

Can you write them a letter asking for information if it has been changed from 1 week to 4 weeks? (I have no idea how your system works, so sorry if what I type is unhelpful.)

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

And the 'crisis team', well they are referred to as the 'cause-a-crisis' team around here. I couldn't tell you a single positive thing about them.

Couldn't have said it better myself!

 

[ms spock]

I think it would be perfectly reasonable for them to dislike me given what I've done in the past.

You drove a car into the part front of the building?

And because of that I won't put the receptionists through having to answer the phone to me or see me.

I think that the receptionists can take care of themselves - you seem to think you have not problem or are too much of a problem. Can you see that you are doing both?

It's perfectly possible that I am now someone's trigger.

But you may also not be someone's trigger?

So I can't contact them, I have to wait.

The whole system does not seem that helpful.

The only time I've contacted them is on a day when I knew that without some hope I'd OD. It's not that bad now.

Oh @stenni please do take care.

 

[Sandstone]

The trouble is have no-one to ask. There is just silence, which as you have said leaves space for me to make assumptions. I nearly asked T last week, but I have done so much complaining about so many people, and I feel for her. She has to be loyal to the organisation she works in. She did once g as far as saying could she say anything the Crisis Team to make me feel able to contact them if I was in Crisis, but after my husband had gone into detail she agreed I wouldn't be able to.

But i'm still left believing it can't be this bad, it must be me, it must be my fault. Despite evidence to the contrary, despite the Inquests that have criticised failures to act - it must be my fault. T has drawn a flow chart that starts with "I have PTSD' and "I don't have PTSD" and ends up on "In any case I don't deserve treatment"

Now I'm stuck in a loop where whatever happens I'll lose treatment in one way or another - by residential not being available so it won't be safe to continue, by running out of time before the system gets there or by being un-diagnosed. Maybe believing there is nothing much wrong and pulling myself together is the only viable option.

 

[Sandstone]

Ok I've done what I can. I've phoned the Residential place itself and arranged to visit them. That is reasonable, since I have them in my Budget for a week already. I need to know if it a place I can feel safe for four weeks. I'm fairly confident of that, it has good write-ups.

I'm fretting because
the woman I spoke to seemed surprised they didn't know about me
I've never seen a copy of the Budget or linked plan,
and suppose it isn't included at all?


but I'm pretty sure it is in, as I had to sort out a problem with the Finance Dept. at the council, who thought the whole Budget was under contingency when only the respite part of it was. So surely the contingent part must have been in?

 

[BlueOrange]

@stenni I'm really glad that you've taken action to help yourself, despite the feelings that were inhibiting you. Getting what you need may require you to bother some people, and you've indicated that you don't want to be a bother. However, if the people who are supposed to be helping you "Can't be bothered" then that's because they're not doing their jobs, not because of any fault on your part.

 

[Sandstone]

Oh and now I'm worried the residential place will contact the CC and she'll think I'm using them to chase her and hate me. I know I'm a nag, I know I'm annoying, I know I sometimes don't hide well enough that I think she isn't doing her job properly.

 

[Neverthesame]

the woman I spoke to seemed surprised they didn't know about me

This would be the swept under the rug I was on about.

I am glad you managed to call them. Hound them if necessary, don't let them intimidate you. Or ignore you. There is absolutely no reason to lay the blame on yourself. Incompetence and negligence on the part of your care team has nothing to do with you, other than the fact that you are the one who will have to suffer for it.