I can't stop myself from lying

[Punky143]

Its as if its programmed in me, part of the black box of me's. I try not to and a good portion of the time I'm very honest. That's what I find most confusing. Its like having a "I want x,y,z and obsess about it until I get it. Borrowing money or even spending money of the little we have. I have deep dark secrets I could never write about nor speak about. That's another part, yes I have DID. But I do not share others confidential info to others. Those are just a few shitty things we do to gain from despite the humiliation. Does anyone else relate?

 

[Gs172003]

God I hate lies.

That said one way I see it is this. You lose good people being a liar. You lose bad people telling the truth

 

[Ronin]

Yes & No to relating.

I tend to lie very purposefully & still try to stick as close to the truth as humanly possible, because if it's going to be a damaging lie, it better not take aeons to set back straight.

Not sharing confidential info doesn't read 'a lie' to me. After all, it's 'confidential' for a reason. & I abhor people fishing for it, because trust is earned, never given for granted.

& Trauma details are personal. You don't owe disclosing them to anyone. It is your life, to exercise control over as much as you please. I don't see that as a lie, others simply aren't entitled to that information unless those details would put their lives at risk or otherwise damage them.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I hate liars, it's a huge trigger for me, so I avoid people that lie like the plaque. Including my daughter.

 

[Punky143]

As I read responses and have stepped away for awhile, I realized the term lying wasn't well picked. Manipulating? Denial? And its a "part" not to excuse the behavior. I wished I'd never of posted it now based on my already crappy feeling and now, as my head is twisted anyway and wants to tell me I'm a terrible person.

 

[Gs172003]

I hate liars, it's a huge trigger for me, so I avoid people that lie like the plaque. Including my daugh...

I'm the same way. My dad lied to me my whole life and my last two husbands habitual liars. No tolerance.

 

[Gs172003]

Yes & No to relating.

I tend to lie very purposefully & still try to stick as close to the truth as human...

There is a difference in lying to deceive and not telling your business that has nothing to do with, nor effects anybody else. However there is also the lie omission. Not telling the whole truth is also a lie.

 

[Punky143]

I'm the same way. My dad lied to me my whole life and my last two husbands habitual liars. No tolerance....

Thank u. I guess I was hoping for someone to validate from the perspective that this "trait" must of allowed me to survive way back when. And don't get me wrong, when caught, hell to pay as in my father. You'd question then why I would continue this behavior? I have little to no one I can trust including my husband. Then that thought grows larger thinking our society is so messed up and everyone's greedy and manipulating so am I that different? I'm by no means justifying the actions, at least this "part." As for the others, they crave it.

 

[Gs172003]

Thank u. I guess I was hoping for someone to validate from the perspective that this "trait" must of a...

I'm sorry I was responding to she cat. It didn't work for some reason.

I hate being lied to.BECAUSE of all that. I know how painful it is.

 

[Gs172003]

Thank u. I guess I was hoping for someone to validate from the perspective that this "trait" must of a...

But. .just by what you said..just because you feel everybody else is..do you have to be too? To quote Ghandi " be the change you want to see in the world "

 

[Ronin]

Not telling the whole truth is also a lie.

Agree to disagree, then.

To be honest, this valuing of 'truth and whole truth' over everything else is setting me off.
Truth can be deadly. Truth makes for vulnerabilities. Truth can crush trust forever. Truth can take away protection.

I'd rather have people alive, in their comfort zones, and unhurt, truthful or not, their business, not mine.

Thinking of Truth = Always Good, Lie = Always Bad, is black and white thinking, and a rather naive one.

Edited to add:

Not truthful doesn't have to mean manipulative, abusive, predatory, bastard in other ways.
They're different things. They're different choices, on different matters.

Edited Two: This won't translate. Experience difference; relationship lies in an usual relationship will no way translate to a relationship between people of different & warring ethnicities with children involved in a war zone. Etc. Romeo & Juliet gone massively wrong & I'm afraid I don't have the words for this.

 

[Gs172003]

Agree to disagree, then.

To be honest, this valuing of 'truth and whole truth' over everything else is se...

Again there is a difference in "need to know" and flat out lying.