I don’t know what to make of what my therapist said

[Katelyn97]

Today I told my therapist about something that happened that was related to my sexual abuse. At the end I asked if she believed me because I would have felt really awkward if she didn’t. She said that maybe we should look at why I need reassurance and why I feel a need to be believed. She said she had no reason not to believe me and that I need to feel believed in our sessions.

But she never actually said whether she believed me or not. Was dodging a straight answer her way of subtly saying she doesn’t believe me? I don’t know what to make of the whole thing. :/

 

[FauxLiz]

I would call her on it at your next session. Early on my t learned that one of my biggest pet peeves is when he would turn the conversation back on me without answering the questions. I won't put up with it and was going to quit. When he realized it was that important to me he stopped.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I recently went through this with my t. She’s never given me any reason to think that she didn’t believe me. & I know now that she does believe me without her even saying it, but when I asked her she said it didn’t matter whether she believed me or not. I took it as a stab to the heart at the time, but I think she was just trying to get me to trust myself & be confident in the fact that I know the truth & it really doesn’t matter what anyone else believes. I don’t think your t was insinuating she didn’t believe you but maybe just trying to get you to think of the reasons it might be important to you. After all, therapy isn’t about them accepting the truth...it’s about US & figuring out how to accept & process the truth ourselves.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Today I told my therapist about something that happened that was related to my sexual abuse. At the end I asked if s...

The sooner you can (if you're able) to stop worrying about what your t thinks or believes, the better off you'll be. So much easier said than done, I know. It's not about her. Nothing said or experienced in therapy is about your t. It's about you. No matter how much you may want things to be even just a little about her, it's about you. And that was really good of her to recognize and explore with you. When we go through trauma we don't trust ourselves and it becomes all about what others think and feel about us. Therapy, good therapy, is about unlearning that. It's hard. It sucks. And it hurts. It's also necessary. Keep with it and explore it more. Whenever it comes up. I know how hard it is.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think that what she is saying is...... if this happened, then why do you need other people to believe you?!?!?! Personally I don’t think it’s your therapist job to believe you or not, their job is to guide you toward healing.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I learned this lesson with my first T. I got so mad at her because I thought she wanted me to take responsibility for my part in what happened to me. It was a misunderstanding, but through the processing of it, I got really angry at her. I wrote some dramatic stuff and realized that I could care less if she believed I was at fault because I now know that it was 100 percent not my fault.

 

[Scarlet13]

It sounds to me like she does believe you and even said so. She said, "There is no reason not to believe you."
You are looking specifically for the words, "I believe you" and because you did not get that, some paranoia is happening. You are using negative filtering where you are catching only the negative things (therapist did not actually say she believes me) and not catching the positives (therapist listened, took me seriously, said there was no reason not to believe me, and understood how being believed is important to me.)
So, I totally do this too, and you gotta call it out on yourself.
Also, you are mind reading and this can fuel more paranoid thoughts which can increase worry and insecurity.
Call that out too. You don't know what your T really thinks. That sucks, I know.
You can use Wise Mind. What does your gut instinct tell you? Do you feel believed?
Or are you worrying over this and second guessing her sentences really because you most likely have had other people not believe you in the past? Our fears and worrys can take hold so much that we believe them so much and we see signs of them happening in people. Your worry is a sign as to how important feeling believed is to you. But your worries and interpretations are just that-worries, opinions in your brain.
In therapy it is easy to project harm that was done to us on our T.
Perhaps you were not believed before?
It seems to me that your T gets this, believes you, and knows how important this is to you.
But then again I am only basing this off of what you wrote.
Can you use your wise mind?
Can you check the facts? How many times in the course of your treatment has your T believed you?

 

[Stephernovas]

It's a hard pill to swallow, but she's right. Forget whether she believes you or not. There is a larger issue of reassurance there. I know, because I've done it/do it. During one session, I told her flat out I was leery about trusting her, but then I explained the battle in my head. I told her I know she has never done anything for me not to trust her (just as I have never given her a reason not to trust/believe me), but I was still having a hard time. It's a tough thing to do, but do what you can to work though it with her. She's calling you on your crap. Don't run. This is why you are in therapy. Face it. Once you do you'll feel way better :)

 

[bento]

Seems like she does believe you, but you wanted it to be more emphatic. I get that.
I personally think having that emphatically stated belief is an important part of healing
After all, a lot of trauma is made all the more unbearable because of a lack of
validation and disbelief.

That said, an important part of healing is also believing yourself. To get to the point that
you can stand boldly in your truth and remain unshaken by the disbelievers and naysayers.

Sounds like a good conversation to continue with her. Good luck!