Sufferer I don't know... home invasion & sexual assault.

[BrokenCrayons]

Hey,
Diagnosed with ptsd after a stranger broke in to my home and sexuallyassaulted me. I don't know what or how to feel at this point. Most days it feels like a good day if I leave my room. I feel like everyone in my life is cheering me on to get better but mostly it's too much for me and I'd rather be in my room rolled up tight in my blanket. I'm not the mom I used to be. I know it sounds wrong but I just don't feel anything for anyone anymore. My husband has been taking care of everything kids, house, work... I finally left my room after a month three days ago. My kids were happy to see me instead of visiting me in my room but it feels like there's too much space out here. We're all in therapy but I feel just stupid all the time i can't wait in the waiting room bc there's men in there and I'm not going in there with them. I stopped driving, I always feel floaty and now stammer when I talk sometimes... So that doesn't help. I feel like I don't know how I'm ever supposed to be a person again bc there's men in the world and it just feels like they're all that guy..i feel like a toddler when I go out. I literally hold on to my husband's shirt bc I can't just be. Anyways this is what it is so there it is. I guess I just want to see that maybe things will change someday.

 

[LuckiLee]

I'm so sorry you suffered through that. It's horrible! You are doing all that you can right now. I hope you have a good trauma therapist to help you navigate all of your feelings.

Sending prayers of peace and strength to you and your family! XO

 

[BrokenCrayons]

Thank you...

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum.

Would a treatment program be an option?

 

[BrokenCrayons]

I go to therapy weekly, we're going to be starting emdr Monday...hopefully that helps some. I'm also on meds.. I take 40 Prozac and vistaril for now.

 

[EveHarrington]

Has your therapist taught you a lot of coping skills?

My impression of your post is that you're not coping, and I don't believe that processing should be attempted until we have somewhat of a grasp on maintaining stability.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@BrokenCrayons I was in C.B.T. (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) for decades and I just couldn't stabilize for any lengthy period of time. However I have pro. comp. ptsd and prior to EMDR I kept flashing and triggering throughout the day/night. I just could not deal in the present and I had lived in paranoia and panic again for decades. So I went to EMDR Therapy (16 sessions) and this is the best thing (hardest too) I've ever done for myself. Take it easy and keep sharing.

 

[Deleted member 35429]

This will get better with the right therapist. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You won't always feel this fragile. I promise.

For now, finding an individual therapist that specialized in trauma would be wise. Going 2-3 days a week at first might also help. Stabilizing yourself is very crucial. Finding small things that make you feel strong again will help.

It's also OK to be a mess for a while. There is no rushing when it comes to healing. I had an assault that turned me into a zombie like you describe, the mumbling, the spaceyness, not wanting to leave the house...it was a long road and going out did cause me panic attacks, but I got through it. You will too. Hang in there until you find your inner Sasha Fierce. She's still there. :)

Take care of yourself.

 

[shimmerz]

Most days it feels like a good day if I leave my room.

Been there, done that. Three years of being terrorized, home invasions of me in my matrimonial house and then my own homes after I left.

Small things may help. I suggest widening your physical sense of safety in really small ways.
1. Stretch yourself out under your blanket.
2. Take the blanket off but stay in bed
3. Sit up in your bed (blanket on)
4. Sit up in your bed (blanket off)
5. Stand up beside your bed.

Rinse and repeat. Each time you move, move with intention. Say to yourself 'I am safe.'. You are literally rewiring your brain when you do these things. It is so important to stretch your limits but in small ways.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I so failed to say that I'm so sad that you were sexually assaulted @BrokenCrayons by stranger who broke into your home! So sorry this happened to you. Not sure but after reading above this happened around 3 months ago? And you're in therapy as well and this is good - whole family being in therapy.

I was sexually assaulted in doc's office and still feeling uncomfortable around men at church and in my personal life. So I too am in therapy and like I said EMDR has tremendously helped me to try and stabilize. I noticed around men that I cross my arms over my chest, and when sitting I cross arms over my lower half. Geez noticing this makes me feel so ridiculous however I am still (like you) trying to learn how to deal with the aftermath and from reading here in forum there is no correct way to do so.

It has most definitely gotten easier through therapy and learning all I can try to do to cope and I just wanted you to know that I care and also hope you'll continue to post your feelings and thoughts about anything and everything @BrokenCrayons here in forum. For this has and continues to help me to see and learn how others here in forum have successfully navigated the world we live in by reading so many of their posts. How they've used so many varied coping skills and so many different techniques in which to try and rise above the insanity of what we individually went through and survived to tell the tale(s).

So grateful for your above post and wishing you peace and also hope this day and further during your journey through recovering from it all.:happy:

Geez noticing this makes me feel so ridiculous however I am still (like you) trying to learn how to deal with the aftermath and from reading here in forum there is no correct way to do so.

Oops correction! ...there is no one correct way to do so.

 

[BrokenCrayons]

Thanks for the great ideas Everyone!!!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Thanks for the great ideas Everyone!!!

Welcome to the forum, BC, and welcome to isolation and dissociation. We hear you.

Having your sense of safety stolen from you can be earth-shattering, especially if you suffered from childhood trauma. You've gotten some great suggestions. Emdr has helped me immensely, and I'm sure it will help you, too.

Good luck! We're here if you need support.