I Don't Know If I Need Hospitalization

[Cynthia]

My depression came back mildly to severely just before Christmas 2011 when my son wasn't returned back to our care, after my mum had recovered from her op, as welfare fear our safety with my son and have told us a lot of BS that he may need his meds changed every so often and that his behaviour may become worse.

As the weeks have past my depression has gone lower, with feeling sad, low, empty, that I cry all the time I don't have the energy for any thing but to lay on my bed as I don't have much energy to even stand, I am eating very little that some days I starve myself, I've stopped taking my respiratory meds, and wishing I was dead half the time.

My doctor was worried about me and phoned mentel health which wont see me until another weeks time, at that stage my depression hadn't gotten to where it is now, as I have started self harming again and wishing I could just die, looking at my pool pump running. My best friend expects me to be my normal self and happy but I just can't be that person and feel so far away from who she is, that I have started burning myself with my cigarette just to be able to get myself through each passing day, and my sleep is really bad that I wake up many times a night with my head telling me to drink and to kill myself.

Within the past few days my depression and self harming has shocked me that I am fearfull of myself that I don't trust my own actions, and I don't know what I am capable of doing to myself as I never thought I would start burning myself, in the past I have hit my head and little shit like that, but burning myself is all new to me and therefore I don't know if I need to be hospitalized or not as I also have thoughts of not wanting to be here.

I am ashamed to tell my best friend what I am doing to myself and when I look at my mum, my heart aches for her, as a mum I don't like seeing my children hurt and therefore I haven't told her because I don't want to hurt her, and I am also scared to tell my doctor and psychologist how emotionally low I have gone and I fear that they will judge my actions off hurting myself, and I don't want to loss any of them. But I also know that I can not continue like this something is going to give and I just hope to hell that it's not me, I know I need help.

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[Barberian]

I can't vote as I'm not a trained licensed mental health worker. If you are a danger to yourself or others is the usual criteria. If u feel suicidal or homicidal seek imidiate help. If you are harming yourself seek imidiate help.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Cynthia, I think if you feel you would be unable to control a suicidal urge, then it might be best to be in hospital where you can be taken care of.

 

[Cynthia]

I know I'm not homicidal though I'd love to meet my sons case worker in a dark alley and smack her out, but thats just anger speaking out.

I know that I feel like I am in danger to myself, but with no real plans. I know that I don't feel safe and that I don't trust myself at all. I feel like a mess.

So I should tell my psychologist exactly how I feel tomorrow and if he don't want to work with me after that thats his problem.

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[Grace Hope]

I think if this is how you are feeling now then you need to go to your local A and E as soon as possible and take someone with you for support and to explain how you are and what you are doing if you can`t do it. If you need to be admitted then they can decide for you. If you don`t get admitted then ask for the duty psychiatrist for an assessment they will help you with what ever you need. You do need some sort of intervention even if it is support at home from a professional support worker or something like it.

God Bless
clan Destany

 

[Srain]

I think that if you are this concerned then it might be a good idea to seek the opinion of a professional, which I am not. The important thing is that you remain safe.

I agree with the above, been there more than a few times, my heart goes out to you.
Rain

 

[tigrou465]

Cynthia
In december 2011, I was feeling pretty bad. I had some similar attitude or wish or action then you. I was finally brough to the hospital and I must say it was the best decision for me and for the members of my family. Please seek some help. I can tell you that they will help you and you will feel much better. Hang in there you are worth it... (((((Hugs)))) ((((love))))

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think it might be a good idea to read this thread, where I talk about my own hospitalization for the second time. The hospital provides a safe and stable environment where you can get on your feet again. Don't think of it as being shameful, it's okay to need a break. It's easier to handle your health if you realize coping and dealing with it now, is easier then dealing with it later. Dealing with it later, when are worse off bring you more problems and more pain.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/for-people-who-are-thinking-of-going-to-a-psychiatric-hospital.21360/[/DLMURL]

Take care of yourself!