I Don't Know If It Was Just A Dream Or Something That Happened

[kagamine]

I had a dream about a week and a half ago, I'd been doing a bit better with sleep before this, but I had a dream that messed up my whole sleep cycle and I haven't been able to fall asleep at night for almost two weeks now. I had a dream about trying to run away from home. I already knew I tried and failed to run away once when I was about 10. But my memories of that time are winter, there was snow. This was spring

In the dream I made it just up the country gravel road to our house and tripped into a puddle (it was the middle of a rainstorm) it was still light outside, dusk. I just laid in it and cried for a while then I got up, and walked back home. It felt like something real. I don't know where or when it happened, probably around the same time as the runaway attempt I remember. It was just so vivid I can't believe that was just a dream, and it kind of fits the time line.

I've had a couple other memories from when I was a little bit older come back since, they were about shelters I'd stayed in after getting kicked out by my dad while I was staying with him.

They all seem to be either about running away or getting kicked out, and I'm in the middle of needing to find somewhere to live again, so maybe that's why it's getting brought back.

How can you tell if a dream is just a dream or if it's a memory?

 

[Chava]

Wish I could, but no. Memory is difficult. Most of my dreams are bizarre, sometimes really violent and obviously not true, but loaded with symbolism that seems important. But I've had some where the feelings in the dream seemed so real and visceral that I can't believe they weren't actually already there in my body from a long time ago, so I know how they can feel very real.

With your history of trying to run away and being kicked out, it could very well be a sort of memory fragment of sorts tied into either real imagery or just a tweaked dream scene. I'm trying to be open to learning from dreams and nightmares without needing to know what exactly is a true memory and not, but that's hard. I think the most important thing for me is to not be afraid of them, so that I can sleep. Are you afraid of sleeping and/or bad dreams? Sometimes watching little snippets of comedy before bed, or listening to some soothing music, helps me a bit, but I'm also on sleeping medication. If you have a therapist, have you discussed the dream with him/her?

 

[kagamine]

I do get anxious about sleeping. I actually haven't fallen asleep yet. I used to take seroquel to sleep, but I've stopped taking medications so it's even harder to get any rest. I used to fall asleep with something in the background, like the TV. I can't do that where I am right now because of where I'm staying, but I'm moving soon, so that might help. I have a therapist, but what I've heard from her has mostly been to wait it out.