General I Don't Know What To Do

[neverforget]

I went to see a psychologist to help me to cope about my break up with my ex. And I'm going to see her again on tuesday.

I felt my ex had issues, but didn't know where they came from.
He expressed his suffering to me but never what caused him to be this way.

And now after talking about him with the psychologist, about his behaviour in our relationship and his relationship with his family, especially with his mother, it seems the possibilty he's been abused as a child is huge.

It's so horrible just to think about it!

I feel devastated and shocked. It hurts so much to imagine such a thing.
I want to cry.

He told me some things when we were together but I would NEVER have imagined something so horrible happened to him and could be the cause of his problems and his behaviour.

But now the psychologist asked me those questions and now I understand!
He even told me he tried to flee from home when he was a child!
And his sister who became anorexic and she's doesn't get along well with the family...There are so many things I should have undertsood!

It appeared clearly that the suicide of his friend was surely not his first trauma. But it was the only trauma he told me about.

I wanna tell him I understand it all now, and I'm so sorry someone hurt him when he was a child, and that he's not guilty but I don't know if it's good to tell him.
Maybe he doesn't want to hear that I / somebody know! Cause he never told me. Or would it help him? I don't want to hurt him!

What should I do? Of course I don't have any proof that it happened but it's always the case in this type of situation, no?

Maybe I should post in the ptsd section to get advice from sufferers?

I will talk about it with the psy soon.
I have more things to discuss about things he told me.
Cause at first, I didn't consider them important.
She said the last time, she needs to know me more to know if I should contact him again.
Do you think that makes sense?

Thanks for your help.

 

[neverforget]

I sent him an email and wrote all I felt I needed to tell him...

After several months without contact I thought he would simply ignore it or maybe reply saying I'm crazy and this is nonsense.

But no, he sent me a reply straight, and he didn't say it was nonsense...

 

[unbroken]

Good for you....

Abuse is a very difficult subject with some people, and I know it is with me. My father was very abusive and as a result I'm very easily intimidated when people get mad at me. Since my girlfriend is both PTSD and bipolar I don't think she understands that when she snaps at me over petty, meaningless things it really rips me apart. She knows about my past and that I haven't spoken to my father in over 25 years, and that my mother wants nothing to do with me, but she doesn't seem to take that into consideration with the way she treats me. Her solution? "You need to let go of the past", almost oblivious to the fact that she can't let go of hers.

I understand her situation, so I try to be more accommodating when she's having a bad day. But when she she says something hurtful and doesn't like how I react to it, she just goes off the deep end and gets mean, and often spiteful. I've seen some of her emails she sent to her family when she was arguing with someone and she honestly thinks that none of it was brought on by her. I don't know how to tell her that she takes things way more personal than she needs to.

I'm not perfect, but when she makes a comment that strikes my nerves, I get uncomfortable and have a hard time talking, and she just goes into attack mode. Not that you're doing this, but sometimes I just feel like she expects way too much from me, and for me to just let go of 17 years of beatings and verbal/mental abuse at her beckon call. I don't know how to tell her that I do have some repressed emotions and although I don't talk about them every day they are still buried deep inside. I've accepted my childhood for what it was, but that doesn't mean I've cozied up to it like it was okay. It still leaves me feeling very confused at times, but she just doesn't get it.

Best wishes for you two....