I Don't Trust My T Anymore. Is All Lost?

[Pencil]

The following story happened about 20 years ago.

After a year away, I moved back into my apartment. I started seeing a therapist, recommended by a friend. Soon after I also started getting letters in my mailbox. These letters were from someone who knew odd things about my routine, my dog, my life - and they threatened me with rape, murder and a few other choice things. The therapist wanted me to do all sorts of mental exercises that were really not helpful. I needed to find out who the letters were from, stop the person, and I also needed to beef up security. I didn't need to imagine i was Superman. The letters got worse and actually scary. Then, out of the blue, the therapist banged her fist down on the desk and said: 'This is enough! You lack the social skills to ask for help, and so instead you resort to these fantasies to get attention.' I actually started whining to get her to believe me, instead of firing the cow in the most imperious manner known to emperors. I slunk away.

It took about a month, a female detective and my best sleuthing skills to figure out it was coming from an older woman who lived in the same block. There were no fingerprints. Her computer at work was taken to forensics where they recovered the deleted letters. She appeared in court on 17 counts of common assault, and was given a suspended sentence. I phoned the therapist, who apologized and said; 'I am extremely embarrassed'. Gmph.

Sometimes therapists are simply screwed up, and not nice people. And although I fully agree with @FridayJones that we go to them for their judgement, there are those that have none. And yes, no therapy is better than bad therapy.

Okay, so the point of this was just to say that some need to be avoided. Even so, the friend who recommended her was in long term therapy, and found her very helpful. .

 

[Dana1010]

and a lot of positive stuff can come out of you both having an open, honest discussion about what's going on.

This is a big part of what's frustrating me. She struck me as a fake from the very beginning, but I stuck with her because she was the least bad option I had. I feel like I'm bringing my authentic self to therapy, baring my soul, and she just sits there with this pasted on smile. She's clearly triggered by things I really need to talk about, which would be fine if she were willing to open up and go there with me, but she's not. She insists on maintaining this prim, career lady facade, and it's really annoying.

 

[Dana1010]

Update: I went in and saw my therapist today. We started by talking about paper signing, the possibility of seeing someone else at the center, how I would be discharged if we determined that to be what's best.

She could have probably stayed on those technical topics for the whole session--all business, just like always. Had to drag her kicking and screaming into talking about anything real. What else is new?

So I asked her, "Are you interested in knowing why I'm not satisfied with therapy?" She responded in a high-pitched sing-song voice, "I'm always interested." Yeah right. So I got into reason No. 1, which is that she appears to be strongly triggered by one of the main issues I need to talk about. I said that week after week it was like pulling teeth getting her to go there, and she would always change the subject at the earliest opportunity. She denied everything. I knew she would deny everything; that's why I was in no rush to have this conversation.

I recounted how when I wanted her to ask questions about this topic, she'd say, in psychoanalysis the therapist doesn't ask questions or drive the discussion, but when I said on another occasion, I want to get on the couch and talk about this issue this session, she protested, "Well, I though the stuff about your childhood was so interesting, Let's talk about that instead." So she blatantly contradicted herself. Brought it up today, and she said she had no recollection. It's all BS anyway, because she had no problem asking me questions about any other topic that came up-it was only when the triggering topic came up, she would resort to the line about psychoanalysts not asking questions.

I mentioned calling her out on it in the past, and she said, "Well, it seemed to me that you wanted me to ask you prying questions about it....." On what planet are therapists not supposed to ask prying questions? Who goes to therapy to have polite conversations? Am I hearing this?

I didn't even get into the adversarial vibes I was picking up. Who needs to hear more of her denial anyway?

I said I need a therapist who WANTS to go there with me, without me having to beg them. Our meeting ended after about 20 minutes. I'm glad she's out of my life.