New Memories I Don't Trust Them

[sun seeker]

It's not like I have any desire to report so how do I treat this memory?

By processing the trauma. When you're ready. It's there, it's affecting you, and whether or not it is 100% accurate it has come up now for some reason so it needs attention. The betrayal by your brother is still there either way, right? Could you work on how you were affected by that?

I know how hard it can be, wondering if your memories are accurate, partly wanting them to be because it gives some sort of explanation for the misery; at the same time wanting them not to be because of the betrayal by someone you trusted. All I can say is as I've gotten further along in my healing process, this is less of a problem. The things I am now certain happened were so terrible, the details have stopped mattering too much. It's the betrayal and the trauma and the years of gaslighting, and how they affected who I became, that are the issue now. Now I'm more like "oh, another horrible memory... sigh... whatever." I'm just tired.

ETA: I've had that feeling of wanting to get rid of my body. It's a horrible feeling. The best I can say is hang in there, it does pass.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have had one extremely painful body memory in therapy so I go by that even though I do not have memory to back it up because the feelings were so intense. I guess I have been lucky to only have had one.

I empathize with your plight and hope that you will be able to hang onto the proof of the body memories and go with just those in therapy. I do not think anyone can make up a body memory.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Thank you all for replying.

@Freedomfighter I think I get what your saying but I just can't look at these "memories" too closely at the moment. I've been quite symptomatic lately because of this. I do feel that after a while to settle with it and get used to the idea of them I'll be able to look at them a bit more and speak about it a bit more with my T.

@watundah I understand what you're saying and it makes perfect sense. I'm just still struggling with not wanting it to be true and grieving for my loss of dignity and innocence that I know for certain from other memories was taken from me. I just imagine the little girl I was and feel so bad for her.

@gizmo maybe the body memory isn't made up but misplaced from another instance that I know to be true.