Relationship I Feel A Lifetime Of Emptiness Is Ahead

[Always have Hope!]

Its been a hard exhaustive month. So much thoughts swirling all the time. I never expected how difficult a sudden break up can be. Even after they explain why, it still seems unrealistic. I have to fight this for I can be there in my raising of my children. Its hard to digest that all of the blissful and loving times with her is over. No matter how hurt I am, I truly want her to be happy and continue her path to recovery. I'm educated enough to know that life continues with or without her. But ill never be able to stop loving her or have what if's popping up all the time. I've lost 13 pounds so far, i go days without eating. I've not been the supportive friend I should've been, every time I try to be strong all the fears and pain overwhelms me, I become a complete mess. I probably destroy all hope to be in her life.

PTSD is such a demon in disguise. I know its not all about me. But I know me better than anyone, and this heaviness of this lost will most likely be a lifetime of sorrow and heartfelt aches. She told me that the experience we had shared was great and she will always hold it dear to her heart. I agree with how great the time with her was aloving experience, but who wouldnt want such a relationship to be productive instead of a sudden closer. I am always guestioning myself why, what happen, what cause it, was it me? I'm ask now to let it go, thats it over, while I know there were love there, how in a few days can love change to a different extreme. I don't want to think im obsessive of her, im not , I'm just so much in love with her, that words dont truly discribe it. Sadly I mush come to terms of her wants and how she feels, I just wasn't looking forward to these memories and having to live my life without her. How do you truly live without feeling your just existing till the pain is laid to rest.

 

[Nebulustrix]

How do you truly live without feeling your just existing till the pain is laid to rest.

Life is pain. We either succumb to it or learn from it and become stronger people. Learning from our pains and sorrows can give them meaning and our life a purpose.

I am sorry for your loss, for the ending of a relationship is a loss not much different than the death of a loved one. You will need time to greive and come to terms with the difference that loss will have on your life and the change of direction it necessitates.

But do not hide from the pain- Embrace it. Learn from it. Eventually you will be ready to love again, and that love will be all the stronger thanks to the lessons learned from this loss.

 

[atthree]

Dude, sounds like your soul mate. Sounds like she said, she will always be with you... I am sorry for the pain your going through of working this out

 

[Justmehere]

So sorry for what you are going through...

You have suffered a huge loss. I know a lot of people have been through huge divorces, and 5 to 10 years down the road, things were very different. Grief has a way of trying to convince us that it's there to stay around always. You will probably always miss her, but I think that your grief and pain will change and improve and shift.

I have lost people very very dear to me. The pain was so deep I didn't think I could breathe. I can now actually said that one of the people that I lost, that I didn't think I could face life without, I'm actually glad they are not in my life anymore.... sometimes loss leads to new beginnings.

You clearly have a lot to give the world. Maybe someday will find somebody new. I'm not sure. But I know that your life has value and meaning beyond just sustaining pain - even though it very understandably feels that way right now.