I Feel Like I Am Always Pushed Away

[somewhatstellar]

Hi.. I have never been on a blog forum before.. I was hoping I could get some help, and guidance on how to deal with my boyfriend of 4 years... He suffers from PTSD and I feel like I am in a never ending battle with my self. I am trying to stay strong and not be needy as he would say, but I feel like I need more attention from him. I give him all the space he needs, but then I feel like I am not in a realtionship, that I am just his roomate, that happens to share the same bed as him... Lately he has been really distant, and I am not trying to pressure him, but I need a little affection to, and not just when he wants it. I feel like I am slowly falling down a hole, and can't get back out... I have started going into therapy for myself, to see what I can change about myself and see if I have anything i need to work out to make this relationship a healthy one.. any suggestions or words of encouragement would be amazing and greatly appreciated

 

[Grama-Herc]

Being involved with someone who has PTSD is a difficult position and requies a lot of understanding and patience. As a sufferer I can only say===it's not about you.

Your loved one is going through/ has issues that are hard to explain and even more difficult to deal with. I don't think you could, nor would you want, to change to fit in with him and his issues. Educate yourself on this subject. Seek out someone who you can talk with and vent to. Develope your support group. Then talk to him. Don't be judgemental, don't lecture but try to explain your feelings about being shut out. Just remember, the symptoms of this comes and goes in varying degrees on no particular time schedule and no one thing can bring it on.

There are people here who have been dealing with a loved one with PTSD for a very long time. They are your best source of info. Use them

 

[amethist]

Hi somewhatsteller

Welcome to the forum.

Please take some time to read the different threads and posts in the carers section, it will give you a better idea of how other carers try to keep going. It is a long and rocky road, you will have t have nerves of steel, the patience of a saint as well as grow skin like a Rhino. Also read the information on the "Home Page", as this will give you a crash course in PTSD.

As Grama Herc said this is not about "You", it is about his PTSD and how it effects him every hour of every day. Some couples survive and move forward together, others unfortunately don't, for lots of different reasons.

It is a hard illness to live with for both sides, it is a constant learning curve as the issues change day to day, month to month.

You say you need affection and don't feel as if you are in a relationship, I am married to my sufferer, we together before this invaded our lives. We have a great relationship considering all this, but for a long time it was like living with a friend or brother, still is at times.

Read all you can and ask questions, but most importantly, learn how to take care of yourself a lot more than you probably do now.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[Artista]

Hello. It is amazingly supportive of you to go all the way to making the best out of this and get help for you and your relationship. Knowledge is always key. So you are on your way to more of it and a plan of action and awareness. Good for you! I don't have that type of relationship in my house currently. Can be difficult to have someone who you feel doesn't want to understand it. Makes some things counter productive.

I applaud your straight forward approach and wish you all the strength and openness to deal with this man you love! It is very difficult. I know. Is he getting help as well??? Or is it just you????

 

[goingonhope]

Think it's great you're getting help from a therapist. Many a carer does not seek and/or find support or therapy for themselves.

Some relationships do work in a give and receive relationship, but always each person needs to take their own personal responsibility for the condition they find themselves in. It helps to know how willing, or not so willing each of you are, in order to discern and somewhat predict what kind of relationship you'll each end up in if you stay together yr. after yr..

Honest communications is at the foundation of all good relationships, as well. And, if that hole you feel yourself slowly falling down into is that of growing resentment, then it's important to find out what to do with and how to free yourself of this as well, because once resentments are allowed to grow out of control, it's going to be damn hard to share in honest communication as the fever will have already set in.

Please visit the carer's section and the articles on the home page of the forum as there is much very helpful and useful information. And, why not guide your boyfriend to this site if you haven't already, because there is both a Ptsd only and Carer's only section to question and/or perhaps write more personal stuff.

And, wish you well.

Hope

Welcome to the Forum!

 

[somewhatstellar]

He was in the military and is currently getting help from the VA hospital that I work at... I work with vets of every war and help get them benefits so I am well aware of PTSD on a day to day even yet it is still hard to adapt to living with someone who is going through difficulties.. Sometimes it feels like I am running into a brick wall constantly.. I love him so much, and I know I can never fully understand what he is going through but there are days when I feel like seriously how do you know get it already!! I am extremely patient with him, and I am always looking out for his best interest.. I have totally changed my lifestyle of wanting to go out all the times where there are a bunch of people, because I know he can not. It makes him uncomfortable and he feels like he always has to look out for something bad to happen. I guess what I really want to know is if he knows how much I do for him, and how I would do anything for him... Also sometimes I feel like he isn't taking us as seriously as I would like him too. Its just hard, and I am trying my best...