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maybeiamabear
Confident
Have you started working on this pattern with new people in your life?
Core Belief / Lessons Learned in Trauma / Other “Due to past trauma” Qs
- Are people in your head/heart “allowed” to say “no”? Or does “no” mean you have to work harder, keep trying, focus more, devote more & more of your thoughts/feelings/time/energy to them?
- Does chasing after unattainable people (and pretending to be someone you’re not; IE doing things “as a friend” you wouldn’t do for friends, but for people you love) protect you from having to
a) be in a relationship
b) trust others with who you are, as if they reject you it’s not “you” who is being rejected, but this no-needs/wants/desires version of yourseld you show people (both as a friend &/or lover)
c)
Also, this.
Honestly, yes. I have started working on the pattern and I really thought it is different with her because for the whole of 2020 and 2021 she kept saying that she is interested in me too and just needs more time.
It was only when I found out that she had been lying all this while and sleeping with other people that she said in clear words that she does not want to be my girlfriend. But even then she keeps reaching out to me in difficult times.
I want her in all times. Not just in difficult times.
Answering the questions you posed:
1.) No, rejections are very hard for me. It is difficult to take the no.
2.)
Does chasing after unattainable people (and pretending to be someone you’re not; IE doing things “as a friend” you wouldn’t do for friends, but for people you love) protect you from having to
a) be in a relationship
I am not sure. Because I have been craving to be in a relationship since a decade or more now and these constant rejections on the same pattern, break me..piece by piece.
b) trust others with who you are, as if they reject you it’s not “you” who is being rejected, but this no-needs/wants/desires version of yourseld you show people (both as a friend &/or lover)
I guess, I don't know. Cannot think why I am doing this if I am doing this.
I am not able to comprehend it as a set of just two options. It "feels" more complex and heavier than that.It feels confusing, because it's really unpleasant. No one enjoys being in this situation. So, big big emotions. It feels confusing.
But, unfortunately, it's not actually confusing. Emotions aren't facts. And in this situation, the facts are straight forward:
So, you can be her friend. Or you can not be her friend. Those are the 2 options.
If your feelings make being just friends too painful, then probably it's a rip the bandage moment and deal with the pain of having to move on.
We all go through this at some point in our life. And it sux. But there's nothing factually confusing...just extremely hurt emotions that need tending to. It's okay to be upset. Because she's moved on, and one way or another, that means you have to as well.
If you can't be friends? Tell her, and walk away. Lots of people need to choose that option to preserve their own sanity!
But thank you for suggesting.