You have been tortured with the threats of the cult. You have been denied safe passage into your own mind. When you embraced the beauty and freedom of your own mind, you were unjustly cast out. You were conditioned to believe that your mind, and body was not your own. Your pain and your happiness were not your own. Everything belonged to someone else. Your existence was not based on love, but fear.
Fear is what makes people so easy to control. Conquer this fear by knowledge and education! Learn facts from feelings. Logic from emotion. Think. Work the amazing brain you have and don't depend on anyone else for your happiness except your own! This is exactly why people say knowledge is power. When you know and can see past the bs, no one can make you fear anymore. Be imperfect and learn to love your mind and body. Wear what you like, get into a hobby you want to try. Find what makes your life feel like you are living. Don't take nonsense from anyone anymore. You've had enough already.
I am angry with you, so know that it may feel like you are alone, but the fact is, I stand by you. I also stand by many others online who are fighting a cult I and they grew up in. Leah Remini like you said, is one. Find these people. Alot of them are on reddit.