I Feel Like I'm Going Crazy

[PBandJ]

I seriously dont know what to believe. I cant allow myself to believe my family did this to me. I don't trust my mind, EVER. I am trying hard to keep functioning. I have good days, and then days when I dont want to get out of bed, and I achieve nothing. I feel like I am possessed. I have been told I have PTSD, but I dont believe it. I don't recall the actual trauma, so maybe I really am crazy. I keep trying to find answers I realize, and I will never get answers. I am the best actor around. No one would believe I am struggling this much. My mind is tormented as I don't know what to believe. Does anyone else feel this way?

When I feel this way, I want to talk to my therapist. But it is not an emergency. I just need to talk to someone so that I don't feel alone. I feel like I am going crazy. But I have to keep functioning...I have 2 kids. I cant describe the torment in my head.

 

[Gadgie]

I know what you mean, I thought I was going mad, and when I was diagnosed with PTSD, it was such a relief to me, as I really did think Imwas going mad!

That was way back, about sixteen years ago, I knew something wasn't right, as I was having serious mood swings, and burst out crying for no appearant reason?

Then within a few minutes I was happy, then I would feel really tired, but couldn't sleep, my whole life seemed to turn upside down?

Of course I had no idea what PTSD was, as I had never heard of it? But living and coping with it, is a lot better than thinking that you were losing your sanity!

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Welcome, PBandJ. My experience is different than yours, so I don't have much to offer in a way of helpful specific advice. I'm glad you're here seeking support. So much helpful info and direct experience all in one space. Wishing you well.

 

[Snowflake]

Yes-I feel crazy! This was a topic in therapy a few weeks ago. I thought I was making things up, how could my parents do this. Life is a daily struggle but I have a job, husband, children. Sorry you feel this way-it sucks

 

[PBandJ]

Thank you everyone. It is comforting to hear that other people feel like they are going crazy and making it up. Snowflake, it sounds like your family was also involved in your trauma... do you remember it? This bothers me so much, I remember bits and pieces but not a complete story, so it leaves me not believing it. And I tried to get help from my mother when I was a child but she did not believe me or help me, so I have spent my whole life telling myself nothing happened and I am OK. It is hard to accept/ believe it 30+ years later. Plus I am left confused.... why did my mom not investigate this further? Ask me questions? Try to find out why I was hiding behind the couch screaming for my dad not to touch me?

 

[Snowflake]

Thank you everyone. It is comforting to hear that other people feel like they are going crazy and maki...

@PBandJ - my memories are bits and pieces as well. Frustrating. I talked with my therapist last week about false memories and she said absolutely not. She said as I talk about what I remember then the pieces might come together. We will see.