I feel like people are lying to me. Alot.

[blackemerald1]

There is a whole new set of family I just found out about and so far I feel like they are honest.

^I guess anyone that's been around the block once or twice could almost guess the gist of this.

My only concern for you is that right now, since they are completely new to you is take it very slowly and let them demonstrate to you that they are trustworthy and do not lie when it comes to the important stuff.

I'm sorry your mother has lied about the big stuff @Zoogal. :hug:

 

[Gs172003]

^I guess anyone that's been around the block once or twice could almost guess the gist of this.

My only concern for you is that right now, since they are completely new to you is take it very slowly and let them demonstrate to you that they are trustworthy and do not lie when it comes to the important stuff.

I'm sorry your mother has lied about the big stuff @Zoogal. :hug:

Thank you.

So far the new family hasn't given me any reason to question them but the only one I talk to on a regular basis is my dad.

 

[ladee]

You asked how you could stop assuming someone is lying to you.

I had to 'relearn' my approach to people. Not just about lying, but other situations that left me feeling vulnerable.

"White lies", I feel everyone does that, to some extent. I like to think of it as exaggeration more than lying.

What came to mind in the situation about snake boy is to learn to ask questions first. Like, ask him who he contacted to find out if it was legal to have the snake. Instead of assuming he's being dishonest. His answers would have given you a hint. The keyword is to LEARN.

I understand about being lied to. And sometimes it was so blatant that anyone with eyes and ears would know it was a lie.

I have 'learned' to trust MYSELF. If my gut is telling me one thing, then I simply need to listen to my gut. Some lies do not matter in the bigger picture of my life. A random encounter with someone that I will never see again. Doesn't matter.

Someone I am close to, love or have a relationship with, yes. Those lies matter.

So I learned to ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions. Not aggressive and combative questions, but more to let the person know I feel they were not being honest.

It became important for me to understand that people are lying to themselves, not necessarily TO me.

Trust is and always will be an issue for me. But learning to trust myself has helped me to not assume the other person is wrong or lying.

Takes time to build this new life when trust has been betrayed time and again. I respect you for wanting this to change in your life. Wishing you success with your journey.

 

[Gs172003]

You asked how you could stop assuming someone is lying to you.

I had to 'relearn' my approach to people. Not just about lying, but other situations that left me feeling vulnerable.

"White lies", I feel everyone does that, to some extent. I like to think of it as exaggeration more than lying.

What came to mind in the situation about snake boy is to learn to ask questions first. Like, ask him who he contacted to find out if it was legal to have the snake. Instead of assuming he's being dishonest. His answers would have given you a hint. The keyword is to LEARN.

I understand about being lied to. And sometimes it was so blatant that anyone with eyes and ears would know it was a lie.

I have 'learned' to trust MYSELF. If my gut is telling me one thing, then I simply need to listen to my gut. Some lies do not matter in the bigger picture of my life. A random encounter with someone that I will never see again. Doesn't matter.

Someone I am close to, love or have a relationship with, yes. Those lies matter.

So I learned to ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions. Not aggressive and combative questions, but more to let the person know I feel they were not being honest.

It became important for me to understand that people are lying to themselves, not necessarily TO me.

Trust is and always will be an issue for me. But learning to trust myself has helped me to not assume the other person is wrong or lying.

Takes time to build this new life when trust has been betrayed time and again. I respect you for wanting this to change in your life. Wishing you success with your journey.

Thank you. I don't know that I necessarily WANT to change this as much as NEED to. I have adult kids. I don't want this to affect my relationship with them ( if it does). I need to "nip it in the bud" before I lose anybody that matter to me over it

 

[blackemerald1]

So getting back to your original question. You say that you feel like you are being lied to. What is it in the manner of other people that triggers this feeling? Is it based in fact or do you mean that you suspect you are being lied to?

Feelings derive from thoughts and thoughts can be changed. What is it that you are thinking to trigger this idea? What would a good self talk phrase be that could counteract it?

 

[Gs172003]

So getting back to your original question. You say that you feel like you are being lied to. What is it in the manner of other people that triggers this feeling? Is it based in fact or do you mean that you suspect you are being lied to?

Feelings derive from thoughts and thoughts can be changed. What is it that you are thinking to trigger this idea? What would a good self talk phrase be that could counteract it?

I don't know but that's something to think about.

 

[grit]

It seems and I may not of course have full vantage point in your life, that you grew up in imaginary world where you were so lied to that you actually only learnef that some people do not lie as an adult. So your template is always o not believe what mom says and you can imagine it went too far that you did not believe the teen with snake. The beauty is though now you are narrowing this feeling to a feeling a stench that follows you around. The antidote is to become curious (something your mother affected negatively as a child) and to ask questions when in doubt like others have said. You are lucky that you r sitting at I Feel being lie to rather than people lie! With those close to you that may have indication that zoogal is always or whatever suspicious... You can use your amazing ability to own it and say I am sorry Sally my daughter iask this or that I am learning how to trust myself... And others around most likely won't feel you are feeling inside they are lying. You own the little paranoia and no longer pass on.
Hope this makes sense

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What came to mind in the situation about snake boy is to learn to ask questions first. Like, ask him who he contacted to find out if it was legal to have the snake. Instead of assuming he's being dishonest. His answers would have given you a hint. The keyword is to LEARN.

This! So much this! I had to learn to ask questions rather then assume. If you ask enough questions and the right questions, people that are indeed lying will possibly give themselves up. Or, you can at least be more clear on whether they are lying or not. But, asking questions rather then assuming was big with everything in my life.

 

[Mach123]

Get rid of them. It gets lonely but oh well. I don't have time and I don't care. Or just know that everything everyone is saying is nonsense and listen with half an ear. (Even me) When I watch people interacting it brings that all back and how I can't do it and I just try and smile and not say anything if I can help it.

Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies.

 

[PreciousChild]

It seems like you figured out a lot already. I wanted to add my perspective. My dad was brutally honest and hated dishonesty in anyone. I always thought that he had an overly strong sense of morals. But now I realize that it was just a cover for his narcissism and his desire to blurt out whatever brutal, cutting thing he felt like spewing out at the moment, like how stupid or lazy his children were (he would tell us this as well as other people in front of us). So when I grew up, I always felt like anyone with anything nice to say was being dishonest and "fake". Right now, I'm also struggling with believing that my boyfriend could really like me since I equate honesty=brutality.

 

[blackemerald1]

@PreciousChild that's a horrible experience you had with your father. Was he telling the truth when he said those demeaning things about his children... no! So.. he was lying and being offensive too. You say he hated dishonesty in anyone yet, he was possibly being completely deceptive all the time he was insisting on honesty.

Honesty doesn't have to be a blunt weapon used to hurt people. That certainly is skewed.

 

[PreciousChild]

@PreciousChild that's a horrible experience you had with your father. Was he telling the truth when he said those demeaning things about his children... no! So.. he was lying and being offensive too. You say he hated dishonesty in anyone yet, he was possibly being completely deceptive all the time he was insisting on honesty.

Honesty doesn't have to be a blunt weapon used to hurt people. That certainly is skewed.

Thanks @blackemerald1. I need to hear that said as often as possible. You're right - he was actually lying. In my head I still see it as "brutally honest", but of course it was his distorted view of us. We all sacrificed a great deal to help him (he was disabled), and we also all attained degrees, a few of us advanced degrees. His inability to see us as we were I think lead to me to distrust people, especially romantic partners, which might be similar to the OP's experience.