Relationship I Feel Like The Dirty Mistress In My Own Relationship

[LoveHimThroughIt]

QUOTE="Casey_03, post: 904375, member: 26140"]I still see the same thinking pattern of getting disappointed and hurt ... and then the poster immediately excuses everything and walks back her initial concerns by basically placing the blame on herself for all of it. Even if the guy did nothing wrong, this is pretty unhealthy thinking.[/QUOTE]

I'm not blaming myself for his isolation. That is the PTSD. What I am doing is taking responsibility for my own behaviors. Here are the facts.

• He let me know that his PTSD was triggered and he was not "feeling sociable" before my trip. He asked me if there was any way I could postpone my trip because he didn't think he could handle the interaction (and he knows himself and he was right).
• I could not postpone my trip. I let him know that I had other things planned (which I did). I told him he didn't have to socialize with me while I was there.
• I then got it in my head that things would be different when he saw me. This is because I do not fully understand what I am dealing with yet or at least I didn't at the time - I have a slightly better understanding now.

Had I taken what he said at face value, and not set the expectation of romantic evenings and days spent hanging out together, I would not have been so upset. His behavior was exactly what he said it would be - isolated and unsociable. My behavior was to want something he couldn't give, get upset about not getting what I wanted, and project my own insecurities and issues and let my mind wander into worst case scenarios.

In the moment, my actions and behaviors may not have been healthy. However, I think overall, I'm a pretty strong person, otherwise why would I still be here? As for healthy behaviors, when I realized how out of control my own emotions were, I reached out to my battle buddies, to all of you, and this week I have already been to two PTSD Support Meetings. I believe I am taking the right steps to foster a healthier response for the next time.

I am willing to accept a dynamic... Regardless of what it is."? Highly concerning, and at best very naïve.

Maybe it is the PTSD, but I'm finding that the responses I receive go straight to extremes. So let me dip into the happy medium and try to assuage everyone's concerns. If the dynamic is him beating the crap out of me, or any other kind of abuse then HELL NO, I wouldn't accept it. I'm not stupid.

I got to know a lot about him and see his good days, every day for a month straight which was enough for me to want to continue the relationship (new as it is - sometimes you just click with someone). His bad days have been him isolating, communicating when he can, and me flipping the hell out because I don't know/understand what is going on.

Given what I know today, If the dynamic continues as it has been then yes, I can accept it. I'm not saying it won't be difficult, but when I tell you a single one of his good days are worth a million bad, that is what an amazing person he is (no this isn't the honeymoon phase talking - I respect and like him a great deal). I can learn more over time to understand better what is happening. I can learn what triggers him. I can learn what he needs from me. I can learn what I need in order to cope during the bad days (my battle buddies). If the only problem ends up being my reaction to things, I'd say I'm pretty confident that I can accept the dynamic.

How about I say it like this. I'm committed to not just walking away because he has PTSD. So many people I know act like the minute I found out about it, I should run for the hills. I don't agree, I'm committed to seeing where this goes.

 

[John7377]

Well, I am on this rollercoaster. This is the part of the ride where I feel like vomiting.

Ba...

Well, I am on this rollercoaster. This is the part of the ride where I feel like vomiting.

Ba...

Move on!!!!! No one needs to start a relationship like this. There are other fish in the sea.

In case you didn't know it, there are plenty of predators and liars out there. I know a 76 year old man that is a Player on dating websites. He meets women, usually in their late 60's or early 70's that are lonely and he plays them for a few months for company, entertainment and sex. Then he moves on to the next one, or should I say two or three. He's told me that he can only balance three women at a time. None of them are ever in the city he lives in. He will only date women who are between 100 and 200 miles away. This is his lifestyle and it may be the lifestyle of the guy that you met online.

Just my 2 cents