Relationship I Feel Like The Worst Person In The World!

[scout86]

I tend to think the person will come back. But, this is just me!

Not just you, Solara! :cautious:

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Closure is good. My sufferer just went away, no explanation, no actual break-up. I just ceased to exsist to him. It hurts not to have closure. Being stuck in Limbo isn't fair or respectful. The words are needed, whether we realize it or not.

 

[scout86]

I just ceased to exsist to him.

Out of curiosity, I guess, do you really KNOW that to be true, or is it what you believe to be true? Most of the time, there are multiple explanations for behaviors and we don't necessarily "know" that someone else does things for the same reasons and the same ways as we do. Maybe you did "cease to exist" for him. Maybe he thinks about you everyday. Maybe something else in between. Sometimes it's really hard, if not impossible to "know",

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I wasn't clear. I say I ceased to exsist for him because that's how it feels. He won't answer my calls, respond to my text mssgs, or letters. He lives 3 hours away. I never got an explanation. I tried early on to get an answer by going to his house. He would only say he'd had a rrough few weeks and had been busy. That hurt, but I went home and gave him space. Tried to remind him every once in awhile I was here, but got no response so I've stopped trying. It's been 8 months now. To me, it feel like I'm dead to him, but I don't know why.

Its a horrible way to lose someone in your life. It makes you question everything. There is no closure.

 

[Snowangel1225]

I say I ceased to exsist for him because that's how it feels

I'm sorry you are going through this @BewitchedBewildered. My sufferer (honestly, I hate calling him that but I don't know what else to call him) dropped completely out of my life back in October. I tried texting him once in November and got nothing. Nothing over the holidays, nothing over my birthday. In February I sent a text saying I hoped he was doing ok and expected nothing back but to my surprise, he responded. I must have caught him at just the right time. We communicated a little here and there and it turns out that he did miss me and did think about me even thought he showed no signs of it. I think (and this is just my thinking here) that he felt I probably hated him for abandoning me the way he did. We actually spent some time last weekend together hanging out and just building our friendship again. I felt like you do...I was nothing to him and our relationship was disposable. Now I know that isn't true. Hopefully your guy will come around someday and you can get some answers.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

That is it, exactly. I feel disposable and as if I was nothing to him.

I still love him and I miss him so much. We were together almost 3 years and I considered him my best friend. I trusted him more than I've trusted anyone in a very long time. I tried very hard not to take his PTSD issues personally, but I did not always succeed. I wish now I'd done better, but I did try.

I used to think I'd hear from him eventually, but I've finally lost hope. It is probably for the best, I don't think I could ever trust him now not to turn his back on me again. I understand avoidant behavior, but I couldn't handle the fear he'd isolate again for months with the not knowing. I would like closure, but we don't always get what we want.

 

[Snowangel1225]

I don't think I could ever trust him now not to turn his back on me again

And that is where I am now. I know he will do it again...it's just a matter of time. So, for now we are just friends. I'm not willing to go all in yet because I know I would get hurt again. Maybe if he gets therapy. I'm happy having him back in my life even if it's just as friends and knowing that he doesn't hate me was a weight off of my shoulders.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

It's hard, that deep fear that he must hate me. That bothers me a lot. I wish he wanted to my friend. I told him first and foremost we were friends and I meant that. I told him that again in a letter after he had isolated a few months, but ... Anyways, I'm not sure I could handle just being his friend. Not yet. But I wanted him to know I wouldn't abandon him. I kind of think he wants me to hate him. Like that's what he expects.

I'm happy for you and I hope it works out in the best possible way for you. At least you know he cares and you matter enough for him to try. No matter how it works out.