Mach123
VIP Member
I considered that my cPTSD is extreme. I have to deal with a lot of stuff about it still but you know what.? I’m pretty good and I’ve been pretty good you know for quite a few years.
I was sexualized preschool. Incest mother son. That was only the beginning. I’m happy that I can talk about it now I was on this board for years and years. I couldn’t say like half the stuff I can say now.
This real progress and lots and lots of areas but you know I’m a patient still I’m on medication on disability. I stay home I contribute you know I’m able to with my wife. Take care of our two adult handicapped autistic daughters.
So you get the picture. But you know what after years and years of therapy I mean I’m managing. I’m gonna start seeing a psychiatrist next month. I’m looking forward to it. I’m happy that I’m gonna be able to tell somebody the whole sorted Mess of a story again.
I was talking to my wife about it yesterday even her you know, living with me all these years and watching me go through all this. And go through it with me. I was telling her some things yesterday and she was genuinely surprised and about the behavior. I’m not gonna talk about it directly here. All these years later, that skin of the onion or the layers of the onion it’s still getting peeled back. I’m pretty confident that I still have repressed memories.
But you know the house is decorated for Christmas. My daughter is on a new medication. It seems to be helping. Leucovorin. It’s still too early to tell what’s really going on but this definite changes and they’re positive. My Wife and I are still in love at least I think so even though it’s very bumpy road. My grown children are all doing well living on their own. Except the two autistic ones who live with us. They’re not perfect, but look where they came from. I think they’re doing pretty well.
And you know there’s more lots more good stuff and not good stuff. But I try to emphasize the good stuff and I try not to let myself think about things and then think about how bad it is and just you know grind on the negativity. I just try to keep the negativity out of my head. I just ignore it. You know my wife says to me oh so you mean you’re living in a dreamworld I don’t know maybe. I have cancer and I’ve been putting off having my prostate removed since I’m diagnosed 2019.
WHATEVER
But if you could have anything you wanted in the whole world or you could just have happiness, which one would you pick?
So happy holidays guys I think if I can go from where I was to here which is arguably a much better place than I think anyone can. I wish this for all of you that I kinda know that I’ve read over the years that I don’t know at all. I hope you feel better.
Especially those of you are depressed. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
If you’re very suicidal, I really recommend going to the emergency room and telling them and get the meds you need they have to give them to you whether you have any money or not. Call the suicide prevention lines that’s what I used to do. Don’t try and sit with it by yourself. Don’t try to manage it alone.
That’s my holiday two cents for this year.
I was sexualized preschool. Incest mother son. That was only the beginning. I’m happy that I can talk about it now I was on this board for years and years. I couldn’t say like half the stuff I can say now.
This real progress and lots and lots of areas but you know I’m a patient still I’m on medication on disability. I stay home I contribute you know I’m able to with my wife. Take care of our two adult handicapped autistic daughters.
So you get the picture. But you know what after years and years of therapy I mean I’m managing. I’m gonna start seeing a psychiatrist next month. I’m looking forward to it. I’m happy that I’m gonna be able to tell somebody the whole sorted Mess of a story again.
I was talking to my wife about it yesterday even her you know, living with me all these years and watching me go through all this. And go through it with me. I was telling her some things yesterday and she was genuinely surprised and about the behavior. I’m not gonna talk about it directly here. All these years later, that skin of the onion or the layers of the onion it’s still getting peeled back. I’m pretty confident that I still have repressed memories.
But you know the house is decorated for Christmas. My daughter is on a new medication. It seems to be helping. Leucovorin. It’s still too early to tell what’s really going on but this definite changes and they’re positive. My Wife and I are still in love at least I think so even though it’s very bumpy road. My grown children are all doing well living on their own. Except the two autistic ones who live with us. They’re not perfect, but look where they came from. I think they’re doing pretty well.
And you know there’s more lots more good stuff and not good stuff. But I try to emphasize the good stuff and I try not to let myself think about things and then think about how bad it is and just you know grind on the negativity. I just try to keep the negativity out of my head. I just ignore it. You know my wife says to me oh so you mean you’re living in a dreamworld I don’t know maybe. I have cancer and I’ve been putting off having my prostate removed since I’m diagnosed 2019.
WHATEVER
But if you could have anything you wanted in the whole world or you could just have happiness, which one would you pick?
So happy holidays guys I think if I can go from where I was to here which is arguably a much better place than I think anyone can. I wish this for all of you that I kinda know that I’ve read over the years that I don’t know at all. I hope you feel better.
Especially those of you are depressed. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
If you’re very suicidal, I really recommend going to the emergency room and telling them and get the meds you need they have to give them to you whether you have any money or not. Call the suicide prevention lines that’s what I used to do. Don’t try and sit with it by yourself. Don’t try to manage it alone.
That’s my holiday two cents for this year.
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