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MyPTSD Pro
Turned out to be a very strange night.
Saw a little bit of the fireworks and was fine because I was with family so that cushioned me but…
Later on, I went outside and met some friends who I’ve known almost my whole life. One of the guys started telling me about a certain type of not ur usual type of sex that he likes. I was a little uncomfortable but I was also curious and felt safe with him so we had a whole conversation about it… I asked him questions etc. etc.
But then…… He hit on me. Sure, it’s a fleeting moment of flattery but I didn’t like it. It’s twisting our friendship into something else. So I left… Not in a huff but internally upset & needing time to decompress.
A few minutes later, I was sitting in my car and I met up with a man who is 30 years my senior and lives in the community where I grew up. He’s married with children and grandchildren. and is a known flirt. He has no filter and everyone knows that but with me he’s always VERY flirty and I just tell him to stop but I never feel afraid because I know he is just talk no action.
But now… We spoke from about midnight till 2 AM and just the fact that it was in middle of the night didn’t help he kept veering the conversation towards sex (which caused me to inwardly freak & then freeze) and so at one point I told him that I have PTSD from child molestation. Only realizing after that’s I did that to try to getting him to stop talking so dirty.
Immediately, he took my hand with both of his and held it and looked me in the eye and said, “I am so sorry yada yada”. I don’t remember the rest of what he said. A few minutes later he said, was that OK that I held your Hand? and I told him, “yes because I felt like you were just trying to comfort me” and he said that’s right & went on to make his point that physical touch can be kind & caring.
About an hour later, he said in conversation that his touching me was sexual and then he looked at me and said right? And I said NO!!! I said it quite vehemently. Then I asked, was it sexual for U? And He said yes and he said yes and He said yes. I asked him three times and he said yes and I could see he was serious.
And then (for the 100th time that night) I told him to leave but in a joking way. I did the same old coward thing that I always do/did which is to just not say anything and pull back as much as I can physically away from him.
THIS TIME he listened and left. I think it was as because he realized he overstepped.
BUT, as he was walking away he said. “See! I’m slowly wearing you down. You’ll get there.” Yuckkk. Shivers.
It’s now 6 AM and I still can’t sleep. I’m still shaking from this last experience.
I’m also upset with him that he said that after I had told him about the molestation!?!?
Am I being a drama queen???
Saw a little bit of the fireworks and was fine because I was with family so that cushioned me but…
Later on, I went outside and met some friends who I’ve known almost my whole life. One of the guys started telling me about a certain type of not ur usual type of sex that he likes. I was a little uncomfortable but I was also curious and felt safe with him so we had a whole conversation about it… I asked him questions etc. etc.
But then…… He hit on me. Sure, it’s a fleeting moment of flattery but I didn’t like it. It’s twisting our friendship into something else. So I left… Not in a huff but internally upset & needing time to decompress.
A few minutes later, I was sitting in my car and I met up with a man who is 30 years my senior and lives in the community where I grew up. He’s married with children and grandchildren. and is a known flirt. He has no filter and everyone knows that but with me he’s always VERY flirty and I just tell him to stop but I never feel afraid because I know he is just talk no action.
But now… We spoke from about midnight till 2 AM and just the fact that it was in middle of the night didn’t help he kept veering the conversation towards sex (which caused me to inwardly freak & then freeze) and so at one point I told him that I have PTSD from child molestation. Only realizing after that’s I did that to try to getting him to stop talking so dirty.
Immediately, he took my hand with both of his and held it and looked me in the eye and said, “I am so sorry yada yada”. I don’t remember the rest of what he said. A few minutes later he said, was that OK that I held your Hand? and I told him, “yes because I felt like you were just trying to comfort me” and he said that’s right & went on to make his point that physical touch can be kind & caring.
About an hour later, he said in conversation that his touching me was sexual and then he looked at me and said right? And I said NO!!! I said it quite vehemently. Then I asked, was it sexual for U? And He said yes and he said yes and He said yes. I asked him three times and he said yes and I could see he was serious.
And then (for the 100th time that night) I told him to leave but in a joking way. I did the same old coward thing that I always do/did which is to just not say anything and pull back as much as I can physically away from him.
THIS TIME he listened and left. I think it was as because he realized he overstepped.
BUT, as he was walking away he said. “See! I’m slowly wearing you down. You’ll get there.” Yuckkk. Shivers.
It’s now 6 AM and I still can’t sleep. I’m still shaking from this last experience.
I’m also upset with him that he said that after I had told him about the molestation!?!?
Am I being a drama queen???