I get so angry

[Lost in the Woods]

Way back when I was practicing law I used to tell clients who had DV and anger issues that when they felt it coming on, leave the house and run as far and hard as they could and then slowly walk back. It isn’t my idea, I heard it from some expert at a continuing eduction event way back in the early 90s. I understand it really works.

 

[Friday]

You could try boxing, or some form of karate, demolition work. Having an outlet is really helpful and eventually you may be able to channel it into such activities instead of items nearby.

Agreed. Intentional, purposeful, action? Trained, retrained, driven bone deep? Priceless.

It’s the wildly out of control that is sooooo dangerous.

 

[user27357]

My anger needs to be overwhelmed by other events, other more constructive emotions. joy at a newborn grandkids entry, fear when they struggle, overwhelmed by beauty at the south rim of the grand canyon, getting all goose bumpy during a symphony or at a good show, stuff like that. Stuff you cant access on a tuesday afternoon or a thursday morning when you feel like your head is going to explode if you have to read accepting when you know they mean excepting but cant spell or edit spellcheck and now they are writing your annual review and making the job assignments and if you get stuck re engineering their latest f*ck up its going to get ……yeah. I need a newborn, i need the south rim, i got nothing. left foot, right foot, wake up and go to sleep. My anger needs to be overwhelmed by other more acceptable emotions, whatayagot? i got nothing. wish it would vent slowly or dribble out safely but it is more like a full balloon/loud pop binary these days. Danger danger!

 

[Matmul]

What just happened? After I thought about the above, I said to myself ; You're life has been fcuked up by your brothers. They sexually abused me over several years. It's no wonder you're so angry. Whole my life I felt if I was abnormal. So many things I couldn't do. For example having a relationship.
Then I began to cry out loud, as I never have done. O yes I cried, I cried rivers. Then I began to scream, like a banshee or it seemed there was some kind of devil coming out of me. Then I cried again. a kind of surrendering it was I suppose.

My friend had a similar experience and outcome, although nowhere near as extreme as yours. She is 47 and has been this way her whole life. After an internal breakthrough brought on by an external event she is in the process of reinventing herself. Typically she would spend most of the day in bed churning over how unfair life had been to her. I didn’t see her for awhile and I bumped into her at the weekend and she had a new haircut, had enrolled in an entry course to get into Uni to study psychology and came across as a completely different person to the one I know. I asked her about it and she told me that for her whole life she had let her fathers behaviour define her. She decided to cut all emotional ties and reinvent herself in the Ideal image.

Her true courage comes from the fact that she is on a course with a bunch of tech savvy 18 year olds, she has no formal qualifications from school and can’t use a computer. She is so scared every day she needs to attend college that she can’t sleep properly the night before. But she turns up and I have such huge respect for her that I feel humbled. This complete disassociation from the father seems to have done the trick.

 

[osiris]

This one hits a nerve.
I am like an unexploded bomb allllllllll the time. It makes life so difficult to feel such rage over stupid little things. And it’s not just that, it’s all the other feelings too. Such emotional surges. Sigh. I need to think about this more - but reading through everyone’s suggestions is helpful.

 

[thursday]

I have since a few weeks decided to cut the family ties with those 2 named above. My family is now; 1 sister, and 2 brothers and me. Not 4 brothers and 1 sister. Told my T, she said I was brave to do so. Actually there weren't much ties. Hardly no contact at all. But for me they are no longer part of my family.