I Get So Angry

[MapOfOhio]

I get so angry with my dad for no reason. He could just be sitting there and I'll get really angry with him and think really nasty things. He has caused a lot of problems in my life, but I'm trying to be understanding because I know he's mentally ill (personality disorder). This doesn't always work. Any advice?

 

[open eyes]

I have a close friend who has a severe personality disorder (Histrionic) so I can relate a little. The thing is with people with personality disorders, is that it's really hard to tell where to place boundaries. Yes they are mentally ill but they're adults, & at least need to make a solid effort to control their illness. It's more excusable in say, a teenager or someone recently diagnosed- but you need to understand that it is possible for these people to learn to deal with their illness. Treating them with no consequences to their actions will only fuel their behaviors. I completely understand your frustrations because their actions seem so incomprehensible to the rest of us...

 

[yoshixvx]

Like @open eyes said, he is accountable for how he treats you, and if he is unable to treat you with respect, you need to enforce boundaries (and most importantly - hold them) so that you are not so negatively affected by his behaviour. While distancing yourself physically may not be an option, you can learn to manage your anger through distress tolerance and other DBT skills, and you can learn to not take his anger into yourself.. because that's exactly what he wants. Misery loves company - you can learn to refuse the bait.

Youtube user "Spartanlifecoach" has a series on people with NPD/BPD/HPD, how to avoid being a victim, and how to free yourself from the cycle of abuse. I highly recommend his videos!

 

[shimmerz]

Wow! Thanks @open eyes for the information about the videos. I will definitely check them out. @KiteRunner1234 for me anger is something that oozes out of people when it gets too large and it acts like an infection to others if we let it in. How much control does your father have in your life right now? Are you able to remove yourself to a degree so that you can distance yourself from him?