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I Got The Meds I Needed But Had To Fight

  • Post starter Post starter Deleted member 38242
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I got on Pristiq day 5, and man I can tell a huge difference. No more electrical body pain flashbacks that make me walk slow, and with almost a limp. My regular talk therapist said my mental and emotional pain over road my nervous system, and also gave me some techniques I haven't had to use as of the second day of this medication. When I was traumatized at 17 I was beside myself for a day, and no one would listen to me after that they said I was hallucinating the whole thing. I got misdiagnosed after a trauma as bipolar and didn't tell this Doctor about it, but he must have called for my records or something.
As a teenager they put me on haldol, thorazine, and lithum looking back they punished me for what others did. I was in a bubble for over a month and could hardly talk, and getting of cold turkey went into a psychosis for a month or so, which is common with Haldol I guess. They use it in Russia for political dissent, and have stopped using it in prison as its cruel and unusual and locks you up physically. I'm prone to psychosis with drugs, psych meds, and PTSD now. But, it's only when stalking and trauma coincide with it as well as anorexia, and vitamin deficincies.
The first session he was sure I wasn't bipolar as I've been on anti depressants before with absolutely no mania. Then all of a sudden second session as soon as I walked in he said I was bipolar, and it's not my ptsd. He got that in 15 min right.......
So he tried Lamictal which made me supper quick to anger the first day, and I felt that buckshot metal in my body. I had electrical feeling flashbacks anyway why add metal to that mess. That's what it feels like.
So I told him I stopped it in the third session, and if he couldn't prescribe the one antidepressant that my genetics test said I could take them I would seek other options. So he got all stressed and said "I don't want you to get manic." And say 5 I'm completely relaxed with no OCD thoughts about my many traumas rubbed in my face like it was in the past. But, this pill is used for PTSD and has an anti-anxiety properly to it.
I've been treated like shit by shrinks, and others in the past who can never be wrong about anything. They are always so f*cking egotistical and cruel. The shit I went through would push so many into suicide. It f*cking hurts sometimes to know I lost 21 years trying to figure out what happened to me. I've been told I'm a looser over and over, and even with proof was told I deserved it in the end. Very painful, but I'm glad I found something. I was depressed but never had the electrical torture like this before the past year. Well I'm my 20's and early 30's are gone waisted for other peoples vicious hate. I didn't know what exactly happened until this past year. I was prmasutically and psychologically tortured really bad.
Any way f*ck am I got the right script, and it's working exactly as stated by the manufacturer this time. I have learned people are really sick. Really sick of your not their family, or friends. Strangers torture people in this ego I'm always right society it seems.
Fight for yourself no one else will. Trust me on that.
Happy still even after a long rant. They took away my life and anything good like relationships, school, work, and left me feeling raped and as if it was my fault. Now I'm alone with nothing except serious damage. But, no electricity coursing through my body from mental torture so, I guess I'll count my blessings for the day. While the pigs who did it live a wonderful life after high school.
Nothing I can do except live through it anyway.
 
Even with meds though you have to get better. There is no magic pill for torture. They took everything I love away when I was 17, and left me nothing but a raped feeling, and being gaslight telling me I'm crazy. If Karma, and physics are real then I guess it will be for the dead as the kids do drove me crazy with their parents are psychopaths, and that's so they ever showed me. It was everyone around me, and I'm completely alone trying to live. Others have purposely pushed me into suicide, and bought more and more people in to hate on me the past 20 plus years.
Everything is gone. Music, TV, News, Politics, Work, Love, a family of my own, safety, being able to relate to anyone in the world period, and it all had bad memories. Even new age spiritual self help was shit on, religion, holidays, my body, my perceptions have been tortured. I don't know why I'm alive because I'm a useless piece of shit now hiding in silence. No electricity with this no physical pain as I write this except emotional pain as if a loved one died. Cruel hateful rapist people are alive. I couldn't help it, and they think this form of torture is funny. It suck to be a woman and have a vagina to rape. Anyway I better snap out of it. The antidepressant just helps cut the edge. Better than a Coors light, or joint I guess. But this lie and 39 years has mainly been torture so far. Maybe a few good memories, but with media and entertainment causing flashbacks the childhood happy memories of that are the forever. Snap out of it. No one cares I'm like a non-person in the cold war or something. Being a woman is hard therapy us for it.
 
f*ck psychiatry and the people who use it to torture us! I'm lucky he prescribed this, but I had to use all of my blatant assertiveness, and pressure him into it. f*ck those who are so morally correct they torture souls. Fight for yourself, and never trust anyone ever in life they think torment is a great parody for sick humor and hate.

I'm the end were always alone. We die alone. Alone is all we have. Ok this thought train is over. Now to not think and just get ready for a limited day of silence. But, it is better I have more self regulation as I'm not suicidal after sharing this truth.

Sorry I go on, and on, but no one would listen, or I didn't have the words after being pharmaceutically, and publicly tortured by people who have advantage. I write for myself because no one else "gives a f*ck." And it's so funny to anyone do knows I've been tortured. Fighting for my life has been hard, by I don't want to kill myself. Even if it would be someone else's peak experience to know I killed myself.

People with power, and money are known to do sick shit I guess. I'm just alive. That's all I'm just alive and will die like everyone else.
 
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I could immediately pop out of that flash back almost. With Pristiq stating it starts the first week I'm feeling better within 5 min. They have Rosemary Kennedy a lobotomy in the name of good science. That was too money as well. Remember that ladies they want our rights in our body, and not our core soul. She was dyslexic, and had an opinon. Rosemary Kennedy look it up they might as well have killed her.
 
Sorry for my own dyslexic rambles. It comes back when I'm upset. Some of it isn't a flash back its dealing with the life I was left. Rosemary Kennedy is a perfect example of reality with pharmaceutical torture taking its place.
 
@JoannaDoe - are you certain you don't have any kind of mania?

Your sequential posts, here and elsewhere, look a little like racing thoughts. They could also just be rumination and anxiety/paranoia, (so normal PTSD stuff) - but since you said you are getting some relief from anxiety with Pristiq - which is great! - I'm wondering what this particular flood of thoughts felt like.

Mania shows up different ways. So, I guess I'm asking - what do you think mania is, and why do you think you don't experience it?
 
Correction it helps, but cuts the pain to a knife in the back of my heart feeling, but at least it's not electricity making me shake. I guess I'll stay in bed as its hard to walk. This cute funny rape your life joke is only funny to guys that torture teenagers, and women to death, or out of their life. 39 years old and it's been going on from 15. I begged for help, and only got a message to kill myself from the highest of the high, and then a f*ck you white you should have sucked dick. Pristiq cut the pain a little or at least changed it to not shake. Missed their calling in Guantanamo they would have been great at re job of making someone tortured then nothing for to in the end.......
Its not at its full peak. Rosemary Kennedy I'm so sorry how they treat us as women. 20 years later its still a hate rape joke. Except way more people involved laughing while I feel raped out of my mind. Its to late now they are fully aware of what has been done to me. And they like it, or it wouldn't have gone on so long. Full knife guess they get off on power over re powerless.
 
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