I Hate Christmas

[recoveringfromptsd]

@brat17 that's great you don't have flashbacks or SI.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@brat17 I'm pretty much ok with the PTSD stuff too, just anxiety now and then, and some depression when triggered bad, but as far as Xmas is concerned, it kind of falls under the I don't give a shit heading....

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am getting the sense that pretty much most of us think the same about xmas and could do without it.

 

[Gadgie]

Ah! No, it's a great time for kids, I'm sure we all can remember the times we had with our kids when they were younger.

As adults, the magic might have disappeared over the years, but I've got to amit, I enjoy seeing the kids, with their excitement about the whole Christmas experience.

There is something about it, that still gives me that warm glow inside, it's definitely a great time for the kids.

 

[mamachick]

Occasionally feel disconnected , periods of nightmares but not daily or anything. I have a history of being able to control my body in areas of anxiety through breathing, and actually have low blood pressure-I think from self calming.

If someone keeps pushing me, and pushing me, I am more incline to snap than before ptsd. I had some really bad years with depression and anxiety, and nightmares and flashbacks. Christmas just seems triggering, but not even sure that is right, or if I have just checked out on it like an aversion. I am very aware of where I was at this time of year, an ugly memory, but not confused with present.

"Depressive Realism" is a theory that people suffering from depression may actually have a more accurate perception of reality than those with healthy minds. Think I might have this. I was always very much a realist, so it would make sense that the realism has become depressive.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

If someone keeps pushing me, and pushing me, I am more incline to snap than before PTSD.

I wish it were the same for me, for me I am half likely to have an emotional flashback, which is very dangerous and I am not even aware of it. I would rather die that have an emotional flashback. Emotional Flashback's scare the he.. out of me.

 

[mamachick]

Do you have someone there to support you when you do have flashbacks recoveringfromptsd? I hope so as I do know how draining and scary this can be. Though not regular, when I feel that emotional flashback, my reaction has been much different than the original time.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Do you have someone there to support you when you do have flashbacks recoveringfromptsd? I hope so as I d...

Before I went to SP TDU I had no way to deal with the FB and such, and I was overwhelmed and unsafe, being in SP I learned how to cope with my FB, so far I have done exceptionally well in staying grounded, there have been times I could not get grounded but they are the exception.

For me I sort of traded having FB I could not handle for confronting my abuse head on in therapy, where I feel like crap with both, but the latter I am no longer avoiding, and moving forward towards getting better.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I am so happy everyone is sharing their holiday issues, I think to an extend this is very helpful.

I also happy to share that so far I am dealing better than I thought. A talk with my therapist helped me realize(half-way, because we all know how emotions can deceive us) that the reason I am so stressed this Christmas is a lot of BAD Christmases for the past few years. So I've been doing few things, and it seems to be going relatively smoothly so far. Although of course, the time that is most intense is 18th-31st, but I am hoping that passes fast as well. What I did is:
1. try to worry less because I am better than last year and I should remember I can handle this time better
2. take baths, journal, vent in any way I can think of to get rid of negative thoughts. Give myself a break when I need to. Move some December things to January to lighten up my schedule. Say no to some of the parties so I can enjoy the rest without getting overwhelmed.

I can't remember who said this, it was in the beginning of this thread...but honestly, I've been discovering how good it is saying no.
I don't want to be alone all the time, I will enjoy few parties...but going to all is overwhelming.

So I started telling people the truth, and hoping they understand. So far everyone is okay and very supportive. It's refreshing. Realizing that I am not voiceless. It feels a little like taking a stand for myself. Holidays have the huge characteristic of making me feel invisible a lot, because I feel scared to say no to people and do what I need to do for me. But I'm discovering that while I can't say no to everything, I can do that for some things and make things a lot easier for myself. And stand up for my right to not be in a great place right now and having to take my health as a priority for a bit. It's really, really refreshing.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Dec 18 thru to New Years I hate, and wish they did not exist. I suffer greatly every year during this time.

And it seems this year is no different, I have had to suffer through intrusive thoughts of past abuse, then my sister thinking it would be helpful on my b-day to watch a movie, an animated one I believe she thought it would not be triggering. It was, 4 times I was triggered, and I could not leave or show my distress because if I did she would feel bad, I feel like crap right now, and am fighting the urge to S/H to deal with the feelings.

 

[mamachick]

Im sorry to hear recoveringfromptsd.

I made it through the 16th (assault date) smoothly I think, but its the whole season that is so bothersome. However, I got physical problems the beginning of November and I either have something not being found or its in my damn head and Im causing it. At this point, it is feeling pretty hopeless either way.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@brat17 To add to things I just got word today that my close cousin (who confirmed my memories of abuse and told me more I did not know), she died on friday and I just got word today.