I Hate Mother's Day And All That Shit

[J_trustno1]

Yes, I said it. I f*ckING hate Mother's day. It comes every year and I hate it and have no feeling for this day. I can't celebrate a day for a woman who treated me like hell all my life, let my abusers control my life and never stood up for me. Instead she played the victim and the weak woman. She blamed me for my behavior and never appreciated my efforts. She returned the gift I bought her when I was 15 from my personal money by working at a supermarket to get the $50 voucher back. Ever since then I stopped cleberating mother's day and giving her anything in return. Instead I give her money and that's about it.

I payed her mortgage for this month and she's still pissed off. I can't kill myself to make that miserable woman happy. f*ck her and her relatives!!! They can all go to hell and rot to death. I'm done and over with this shit and I have no feelings for these people anymore!!!


I am pissed off and I don't care if I am banned for writing this hateful thread but the things in it relate back to my miserable childhood. She hit me with a metal rod when I was 7-8 just because I disobeyed her and now she expects me to run around after her and babysit her. I'm too good for this shit!! I am pissed off!!!!

 

[shell]

I hate Mother's day too, I woke up this morning and didn't feel like even getting out of bed. It just reminds me of all the shit I don't want to think about, I woke up angry that yet again this year I feel this awful and I am allowing all these feelings to ruin Mother's day for me with my son. I feel like a terrible mother, I am really struggling with these feelings, and I am ruining the day.

Today is an awful day,it reminds me of everything my mother wasn't. I just want to shut the door on the world that has been reminding me for the last week about Mother's day.

It's not something I want to celebrate, and it just serves to remind me of how f****ed up I am, thanks to her Mothering. After months of grieving those loses, there isn't one nice thing I could find to think about her, except that she is out of my life. I am angry, sad and wanting to escape. I am trying to find a way to ground myself to the present and stop this anger so I don't shut out my family of choice, but I have failed.

 

[anonymous]

I went to the grocery store yesterday and every cart belonging to a man had some sort of plant in it. I guess it's one of those generic female gifts. Yanno, one of the default impersonal three.....flowers/plants, chocolate, and jewelry. I wanted to throw up. My mom is getting Jack squat. Haven't had contact in quite some time but she periodically sends me "I miss you" cards. They make me want to throw up, too.

 

[J_trustno1]

I just went outside to clean the dishes and she was standing behind me ready to bark at me. I mean WTF!!! I paid for your bloody expenses woman and the treatment you are giving me is shit and no where near genuine. She's f*cking pissing me off today and I feel like packing my bag and never seeing her ever again. She's all good with my brother but f*cking pissed off at me. He didn't even pay for the bills yet she's all sweet and nice to him. Seriously I hate her partiality.

 

[anonymous]

and I feel like packing my bag and never seeing her ever again.

Are you any closer to moving out to a place of your own? I don't think you're ever going to achieve the emotional distance you need from her until you put some physical distance between you. Channel your anger into making the changes you need to free yourself up from some of this.

 

[Friday]

... and I feel like packing my bag and never seeing her ever again. .

Why not? If you can pay her mortgage, you can pay your own rent.

I'd table 'never seeing her again' for some future date... Choosing when & how you see someone / it being on your own terms can be a game changer in relationships...But why on earth not move out?

Start your own life.

 

[J_trustno1]

I have too many fears that I am trying to work out at therapy. I really need to sort some shit out once I leave this place tbh.

 

[Friday]

I have too many fears that I am trying to work out at therapy.

One thing I've found useful in my own life is to turn fears on their head. Instead of "I shouldn't be afraid..." With rational fears? I run with them. List them out. And then systematically counter them. Not self talk. Safety nets. Turning fears into goals to attain.

Ex) Common fear of "What if I lose my job?"
- Rent a place well below my means (not always possible! Depends on my income level).
- Have a lease agreement I can live with. (Meaning being okay with breaking it or month to month if breaking a lease causes an attack of the newbie jeebies).
- Not enough money for rent? Set money aside for X number of months of paying rent -or less expensive options- while looking for a new job.
- Have a few options available if I'm unable to find a job in that period. The day after I lose my job? I'm not lost. It's not an emergency. I implement the plan.

I do this for each of my rational fears. It's part of the "And then what?" game. I work forwards and back ... I lose my job? Okay. And then what? I don't have money to pay rent? Okay. And then what?

Does your therapist do something similar?

 

[Mallaky]

I am so with you! Mothers day, fathers day, christmas, all bad days for me. Cant even enjoy my birthday.

I also hate my partners family, so that makes it double fun. Of course he is with his stupid mother now, and that is okay, but, goddamit, stupid days ... meh

 

[desiderata310]

I am bound by a promise I made on the death bed of my abuser to take care of my mother (another abuser)
I hear your frustration and anger and second it.

 

[Ronin]

I am bound by a promise I made on the death bed of my abuser

Desi, while I get the seriousness of the commitment and it certainly makes you a better person of it?
The dead have no right to drag the living down. You don't owe him fulfilling of that word, especially not if it's just keeping you from living your life.

 

[scout86]

I have too many fears that I am trying to work out at therapy.

I really think it will be easier to do that once you're away from them. I also think you'll feel better about yourself once you see that you really can make it on your own. You've basically been doing that all along anyway. Like @FridayJones said, if you can pay her mortgage, you can pay your own rent. She'll find other people to take care of her. People like her are good at that.