I Hate My Mind

[Fiadh]

I've been really struggling with suicidal thoughts recently. The biggest thing stopping me is that it could be unsuccessful and I'd end up having to face people, and see their reactions to my actions. I keep hoping everyday that my mind will change and then something will click back into place to make me feel better. I'm not going to act on these thoughts...they're just thoughts... horrible nasty thoughts. No matter how much work I have been doing- these keep coming up. not sure how to get rid

 

[erigby]

Dear @Iriseen thank you for reaching out during this difficult time. I too suffer from suicidal ideation. Today its not there but there have been so many days when it was unbearable.
Your comment about "horrible thoughts" resonates with me very much.
Are you being treated for Depression?
I only ask because while I have PTSD...its the Depression piece that currently has me in its grip.
Please know, your life is valuable. There are people you don't even know who have been impacted in positive ways by your presence.
I am now one of them
On my darkest days my suicidal ideation has blocked out any acknowledgment what so ever that I matter to anyone...the pain was too much to endure...the desolate wasteland in front of me was never ending...each day the same... with no life in sight.
I can say now...those feelings come...and then they go.
Please keep reaching out.
I have found there is always someone who will respond.
Give yourself another 24 hours.
I know it is so painful.
It hurts so much.
There seems little to hope for.
I would take it all for you if I could.
Hold on.
Please hold on.

 

[Fiadh]

Thank you for your kind words. Yes my mood is low at the moment and everyday is a struggle to do the simplest of tasks, I have to really push myself to get things done. From past experience I know that it will lift, that things will start to become easier, it's just a f*cker to go through at the time. Thank you for listening and I'll keep going