When I talked to my doctor about going off my medications, it was because I was graduating university, wouldn't have access to him as before, didn't have a job lined up, didn't know where my income was going to come from, and the last thing I wanted was to have to go off my medications without medical supervision because I simply couldn't afford them anymore.
He wasn't happy about it. He told me he would prefer for me to have a a job, be settled into my new job and everything be going along smoothly and predictably first before I go off my medications. I reiterated that I wanted to go off them just because I didn't have a job lined up and didn't know when I would be able to afford them again.
I did find a job about five months later. I got hired to teach English in another country. I went there and had literally two days before I was thrown into a classroom with small children, the language of whom I could not speak or understand at all. It was incredibly stressful but I was so proud of myself when I adapted. I went back to the USA for a few months in summer then went back to the same job. It was stressful as before but not as bad. But I decided to accept a job teaching English in another country. The last few months I fell into a really bad depression. I don't know if it was triggered by my bad menstrual cycle, anticipating leaving my current job and this city that I'm comfortable with, anticipating dipping into yet another totally different world and foreign environment and learning a new totally language, or all of the above. But the fact that I'm in a country where I still can't understand the language well enough to do much of anything outside going to the grocery store and other basic functions without embarrassing myself is definitely not helping.
The point is I've come to the conclusion my doctor was right. Changing jobs, changing countries, changing languages, I can't keep doing this. I feel so defeated because a big part of me always wanted this, to travel the world and really immerse myself in other cultures. I feel like it's a war between my personality and my illness. But I'm considering throwing in the towel and just trying to get a job in the US of A and doing the whole "smooth" and "stable" thing that my doctor recommended in the first place.
Has anyone else had an experience like this before?
He wasn't happy about it. He told me he would prefer for me to have a a job, be settled into my new job and everything be going along smoothly and predictably first before I go off my medications. I reiterated that I wanted to go off them just because I didn't have a job lined up and didn't know when I would be able to afford them again.
I did find a job about five months later. I got hired to teach English in another country. I went there and had literally two days before I was thrown into a classroom with small children, the language of whom I could not speak or understand at all. It was incredibly stressful but I was so proud of myself when I adapted. I went back to the USA for a few months in summer then went back to the same job. It was stressful as before but not as bad. But I decided to accept a job teaching English in another country. The last few months I fell into a really bad depression. I don't know if it was triggered by my bad menstrual cycle, anticipating leaving my current job and this city that I'm comfortable with, anticipating dipping into yet another totally different world and foreign environment and learning a new totally language, or all of the above. But the fact that I'm in a country where I still can't understand the language well enough to do much of anything outside going to the grocery store and other basic functions without embarrassing myself is definitely not helping.
The point is I've come to the conclusion my doctor was right. Changing jobs, changing countries, changing languages, I can't keep doing this. I feel so defeated because a big part of me always wanted this, to travel the world and really immerse myself in other cultures. I feel like it's a war between my personality and my illness. But I'm considering throwing in the towel and just trying to get a job in the US of A and doing the whole "smooth" and "stable" thing that my doctor recommended in the first place.
Has anyone else had an experience like this before?
