I Have Bpd/ptsd And He Has Ptsd

[Tiabez]

Im 33 years old. I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD and my new boyfriend has PTSD. He is so good to me. He is a soldier. He takes care of me...he treats me like a queen as a result I treat him like a king. ...but there are times he turns from a gentleman into a jerk drill Sergeant. I'll say something random that has to do with how I'm feeling...like..."I'm worn out from work today. Sorry if I'm moody, it's not you. It's just my disorder" ...he suddenly goes into passive agressive mode and tells me he already knows I'm moody and me having to tell him ...is insinuating he knows nothing. Then he tells me about some tough times in battle and if he didn't know anything he wouldn't have been a staff Sergeant in the Army. This sets off a panic attack in me. I don't do passive agressiveness. I'm not capable of it. It's just not me.

I want to say I'm always handling situations like this with grace....but my PTSD isn't battle related. I was severely mentally abused until I was 19. Being told over and over again I was worth nothing and no one would ever love me. As a result I turn into a blubbery pile and just cry when my boyfriend becomes this way. And crying in front of a man is a horrible way of convincing him you are listening to his words and being supportive. All it does is make him cry and then we end up apologizing to eachother...when neither one of us truly did anything wrong.

Because I have PTSD I do already understand this is a disorder and some things are out of his control. I'm hoping someone might have some coping techniques or communication tools for passive agressiveness as a result of PTSD so I can control myself but also help remind him of the king he truly he is. Any pointers?

 

[Bella26]

I to have BPD my boyfriend as well has PTSD. We both had very rough childhoods. i grew in foster care and he was neglected as a child.
when we first started dating it was perfect, now i just feel that we are codependent and unhealthy. He gets nervous every time we go out. If men are looking at me or if i talk to another man (who is a friend )it means that a huge fight will start and will go on for hours. He seems very afraid of losing me to the point of being very controlling and even abusive. Its come to the point where i just rather stay in and avoid all social events. i dont know if thats PTSD or him being controlling or both!?

 

[Mountain Girl]

I to have BPD my boyfriend as well has PTSD. We both had very rough childhoods. i grew in foster care and he was negle...

"Codependent and unhealthy" are two terms I would also use to describe my relationship with my combat Marine veteran significant other. I have (undiagnosed) issues myself, a tough upbringing (him as well) and a history of the same unhealthy relationships as he.

I feel we are being reclusive. Any trip outside of the house is anxiety packed for the pair of us. His PTSD and anxiety make him an edgy mess out in public. He is also incredibly over protective and jealous - to the point where I can not have a simple conversation with anyone other than him without three hours of fallout. I'm often accused of "flirting," with every guy (even if it's just saying hi to a friend.) I'm a "farm girl"....my daily outfit is jeans and a hoodie, usually muck boots or some equally less attractive footwear. Makeup is off limits, unless I want to hear about being "slutty." He has also banned hair color from the house (I've colored my hair for 15 years! I'm still young and have gray hair for crying out loud! Let me feel a tiny bit better about myself!) I'm not much better in public, I have terrible social anxiety, to the point where sometimes I cannot talk to a cashier in the grocery store without a hot flush of nervousness causing me to jarble my words.

He has terrible separation anxiety with me, to the point where he is not even working a real job so he can be with me all the time. I won't even get into how hard that is with him not bringing in steady income (we have a house and my kids live with us.) He is terrified of losing people, some of it stems from his Father leaving when he was small, the friends he lost in the war and his child's Mother leaving him and moving across the country with the child. Most of his problems in that regard, aside from the things out of his control, were brought on him being "difficult." And by difficult I mean abusive in some way.....yelling, getting too physical, belittling, etc.

I don't know what the answers are, I hope everyday (usually while crying my eyes out, laying in a heap on the floor, locked in the bathroom) for a path to a solution. Until then, I'm sending positive vibes, strength and courage to anyone else facing the same issues.