Horst-I am glad to hear that you are learning to cope with negative thoughts. I am sorry that the therapist who said that if you think something bad will happen, it will, did not provide further explaination. That can leave people not only thinking that something bad will happen, but they are responsible when something bad does happen.
I am a real believer that our thoughts do lead to our feelings, our mood, our experiences, etc most of the time. Of course there are chemical imbalance that can cause the thoughts as well as experiences that cause us to think the way we do. Often those thoughts are rooted in a core belief that we have developed early in life. We have an internal dialogue going on with ourselves all the time, and it is either a self critic or a self nurturer. The good news is that we really can learn to change our beliefs and think more positively.
It is my beliefs that have always got in the way with my happiness, my success, and freedom. In my younger life, it left me discouraged. Those beliefs are so embedded in our personality that they are very hard to break through. In my twenties, I was relatively intellegent, went back to college and did well, was attractive, was motivated and a very hard worker, was honest and intuitive. Yet I would quit things easily. ie, when my car broke down and was without transportation for a few days-I quit my part time job. When we had snow and I could not make it to class, I didn't quit but it caused such enormous anxiety that I considered quitting. I was married to a mean and hateful man that was abusive. At my core belief, I thought something was wrong with me that I did not deserve better. Things like bad snow and broken car seemed almost catastrophic.
I was raised by an alcoholic and missed a lot of school. For me, I was often ridiculed by teachers in this up scale neighborhood for coming to school late because nobody woke me up and I couldnt tell time. As I got a little older, I came to believe that by caring for my mother and not leaving the house, I could control her drinking. As an adult, I could not risk the ridicule for missing or being late to work or class. I still had the belief that I could control my mean, abusive drunk husband.
I eventually got out of the relationship and while life was better, I still struggled and even self medicated for awhile. I got into some good therapy and co-dependency treatment. By this time, the physical effect of the lifetime of stress had its negative effects. I was still able to muster up some hope.
I learned this. Our beliefs lead to thoughts, and our thoughts lead to feelings, and our feeling cause our anxiety and depression. This all leads to certain behaviors that will bring about (either bad things happening, or our perception of bad things happening-awfulizing)
With a lot of therapy and personal work, I was able to turn my beliefs around. My life became very positive. My thoughts were quite nurturing. I did not self criticize. I was very realistic about my abilities. Little problems did not interfere with my success. Snow or a broken car was trivial to me. I just worked around it. I was able to get my masters degree, was very physically fit again and in good health.
Then there were some trauma's in my life. I was stalked. A relative was brutally murdered. Some other things. This brought out my vulnerability when I thought I was stronger. Extreme criticism came from my sisters also raised by alcoholic. My kids were teens and critical and hate their parents at times as most do. I still was able to allow most to roll off my shoulder. I had an accident that caused a brain injury and left me doubtful of my abilities. I was still hanging in there and practicing nurturing self talk but it was very difficult. My sleep was interupted. I had alot of physical pain. I had fears. I found myself less assertive (which will lead to being taken advantage of). Again, its that core belief that can return, such as "why are all these things happening to me-whats wrong with me" or, "I am not lovable" and thats why my family is always mad at me no matter what I do. It may not be reality but if we hear it in our own head enough-it can seem real. Anxiety and depression was present again. I did not quit my job, I hung in there and left with notice to take some time to recover once I was pretty worn down. I was still very stable.
A couple of months into my attempts to recover- I was assaulted in my home by a cop. He insisted I was someone that he arrested in the past, which of course I was not. He was to remove a house guest that would not leave and that was a threat but instead, he assaulted me, took me to the hospital, arrested me for some bogus charge that was dropped. I was stuck with him for a couple of hours, even as he guarded me at the hospital. It was more like a kidnapping He verbally tore me down in any way he could. Following this, I hit rock bottom. That was almost 4 years ago and I have still not emotionally and psychologically recovered. I still do not feel safe in my own home. I still suffer anxiety and depression. The physical injuries and pain are a daily reminder. I dont feel like I have any good choices. Sense of forshortened future. Ptsd sums it up. I have not achieved recovery, but know it is possible. I dont know if I had ptsd from childhood, learned skills, and now have lost them all, or if I just suffered some anxiety and depression before from my circumstances and had low self esteem. Either way, the same things need to happen for me to recover, and that is addressing my thoughts and beliefs as they come up, which I avoid, I am ashamed to say. I avoid any self reflection, and use gambling to avoid it. I need to stop this and do the work.
We all need to find the meds that work best for us. After that, I am a real believer in addressing our beliefs that lead to our thoughts.
I am sorry for the length of this post and if it not helpful, just disregard. Im sorry I am not very good at shortening my thoughts anymore. I hope that this is helpful.
