I Have Ptsd And Depression

[Moikey]

I have PTSD and depression, diagnosed by a psych. I was raped repeatedly as a child at 6 years old. For how long and how often exactly eludes me as I have blotted it out. Also saw my adoptive parents fight as a kid of 6 years, my guardians were my grandparents on my mother's side. My grandfather would beat the everloving shit out of my grandmother and I could only sit and watch numb by it all. My PTSD never acted up(well it did but I was functional) because of this weird no mind thing my brain would do at the slightest hint of a problem. I'd stare out into space and time would just fly by.

My ex left me. She left me because I was bitter about her cheating in the past. Now I'm better about the cheating, have dealt with it and still love her. She's forming a relationship with her old foreign penpal. She too has PTSD and witht he added bonus of borderline personality disorder. She calls me her "drug" because our past relationship wasn't built on anything except the fact that we felt great around each other for no absolute reason. Wouldncha know it, her leaving me triggered me. Not even the cheating hurt me enough to trigger the PTSD from occasional bother I've learned to will myself past into something that crippled me for months.

I'm chasing after her. Courting her. I got better because I love her and want her back. I'm working in the family business and saving up for therapy. What can I reasonably expect?

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum.... Depression runs hand in hand with PTSD so join knowing that most of us share the same diagnosis. You won't feel alone.

I do want to say this though... Don't delude yourself into thinking that if you win your wife back that your PTSD and Depression will go into remission and everything will be fine.......Because it won't and it doesn't work that way. NOW! You have to do the work to get yourself into a better place. All these yrs, I suspect that you have been using zoning out, and it has helped you. But I doubt it will now. PTSD has bitten you in the ass and it's going to be a tough road out of it. It can be done, but it will take lots of work to get there.

Therapy, facing and dealing with the shit you went through. Finding healthy coping skills. Learning to be kind to yourself. And many other things that you will learn from others here to help you on your road to recovery....