I Have To Tell Them Soon

[Orglethorp]

I've mentioned in previous threads that I'm a sorority president, and that I've come to a point where I'd like to disclose my PTSD to some of my sisters, but I'm not sure about telling all of them. I don't know if the youngest 2 can handle it, and another girl sends mixed reactions when I probe about her feelings on mental illness. This surprises me, because she's studying psychology, but it kind of seems like she doesn't have patience for dealing with mood disorders. I have told one of my sisters, and I'd like to tell another but haven't had a chance yet. (If anyone is trying to do the math, there are 6 actives including myself.)

Next weekend is initiation for our new members. I can't really say much about what that involves, other than to promise that there's no hazing going on, but I can say that us actives will be up all night together, and some of them will likely choose to drink.

Last night I was out with the girls and the youngest of the actives declared that it will be her goal next weekend to get me drunk. Having already had a few herself, she got really excited about this idea and told the others. There are now 3 of them (half our group) determined to see that I get drunk next weekend. The sister I've told about my PTSD was firmly on my side letting them know that's not going to happen, but we're outnumbered. The 6th girl (the one I'd like to tell) had already left at that point. When I left, I left with the one who knows. I asked her if she thinks I should explain myself to the other girls, and she said yes.

I have never been drunk in my life. It's not because I don't drink at all, I do drink socially, I've just never found my limit. Over the summer, my younger sister (biological sister, not sorority) tried to get me drunk, but her limit is evidently lower than mine because she lost track after we'd had 5 (in about 3 hours) and stopped buying more drinks.

I don't really have any desire to find my limit, but I certainly don't want to do it where I don't feel safe. Having never been drunk, I don't know if I would be more easily triggered then (or after).

These three girls who really want to see my drunk are not going to lose track and give up like my little sister did. When they are drunk, 2 of them make questionable choices. I trust them all sober, but drunk, I'm not so sure. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to trick or force me to drink. I say this because I'm 100% sure they think I don't drink because I'm afraid of being hungover or something like that, so they don't think I seriously have a problem with this.

So, should I tell them about my PTSD? I feel like giving them my real reasons for not wanting to drink is the only thing that's going to make them stop.

 

[The Albatross]

Frankly if they're immature enough to get whooped up about getting someone loaded who doesn't want to get loaded... I think they're too immature for that discussion. No thank you is easier and you don't need reasons for why you don't want to drink.

 

[Lucycat]

I'm a sorority president,

Sorry but I have no clue what this means. Can you elaborate?

Next weekend is initiation for our new members.

This sounds terrifying when I don't know what you are discussing!

So, should I tell them about my PTSD?

Maybe aye and maybe nay!
I need more information to make a reasoned suggestion!

 

[The Albatross]

I was speaking about your last couple of paragraphs by the way.

On your first several paragraphs... I don't make a habit of volunteering any information to a group. I do that on a one for one basis.

 

[radicalgratitude]

This sounds to me like you are feeling the need to "explain yourself" for why you don't want to get drunk. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. You can just set the boundary and leave it at that. When you give in or make excuses, some may see it as a sign that they are able to take advantage of you in other situations.

Disclosing something this personal is up to you, but I agree with The Albatross, I don't think that some of the people in this situation are mature enough for it. They don't screen psychology majors, by the way.

 

[Orglethorp]

Sorry but I have no clue what this means. Can you elaborate?

Sororities are the female counterpart of fraternities. These are groups of university students, sort of like social clubs, that focus on philanthropy (charity work), academics and forming lifelong bonds. The idea is that you gain friendships with people you might not have otherwise met while you're in school, you open up a whole network of connections among your sorority's/fraternity's alumni once you've graduated, and you get to build your resume while you're in school.

Media stereotypes tend to focus on the partying that goes on among sororities and fraternities (it exists, but no more than with any other group of students) and hazing, which does happen in a lot of places, but not here.

Initiation is simply the final test (of sorority-related knowledge) and ceremony before the new members who joined us in September officially become active sisters. It's an all-night event, and it's meant to be stressful on the new members, but there is no hazing. Nothing illegal, nothing humiliating, and nothing harmful. I cannot elaborate beyond that.

 

[Lucycat]

but there is no hazing.

and hazing is...

 

[Spiderallis]

@[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/lucycat.5761/"]Lucycat[/DLMURL] Sororities are groups for ladies in college- the female version of a fraternity, like in those comedy movies about rowdy college boys, the ones wearing bedsheets and drinking kegs of beer? They're not like that in real life, well, most of them aren't. It's a social club.

@Orglethorp I really admire how you've handled things thus far. It's great that you've told one of your sorority sisters, glad you have her support. If you don't feel comfortable telling the other members, it's completely reasonable to tell them that you don't appreciate being pressured to drink more that you'd like to. Sure they're your sorority sisters, but you don't owe anyone an explanation for making your own choices. You're a smart lady, trust your ability to make the best decisions.

 

[Orglethorp]

and hazing is...

Wikipedia definition: "Hazing is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group."

 

[Lifeline]

Personally, I think it's more drama than it's worth. You don't need to explain yourself. If they are not respecting that you don't want to get drunk, I would be really wary about if we were truly good friends or not. I have read a lot of your threads in the background and you seem like a rather strong individual. However, the theme of "disclosing to others", I think will put in you in a bad spot.

I think that there are multiple levels of friendships: most will be superficial and about having fun. A few will be about connecting on a "deeper level". The friendships that are on a "deeper level" will feel really natural and it will be fairly easy to disclose that sort of information. To be honest, I think they have to earn the right to know your story and not just because you feel like you have to explain yourself. If there is a constant questioning of whether or not to tell, it's usually better to hold off.

I have been in a sorority before and just because we were a group of "sisters" didn't mean we were all that close. I would be cautious.

 

[therapybankrupt]

@Orglethorp It is my opinion that people do not always understand PTSD and have there own idea about what it is. It has never been a good thing when I told people who I was not extremely close to. I always find myself having to tell my story to make them believe me. They will ask questions. I guess they expect you should look a certain way to have a mental disorder. Usually this makes me feel not validated and I regret disclosure. I end up exhausted from the reliving of the trauma.

First lesson to explore on this subject. Does your PTSD define you? I do not believe it defines me so I have no need to disclose policy when it comes to anyone who has not earned the right to hear my painful and traumatic story. Those who I share with must meet near impossible requirements and it involves my trusting them. It's called adjusting boundaries to protect yourself. Best wishes on your decision.

 

[Lucycat]

I think they have to earn the right to know your story

no need to disclose policy when it comes to anyone who has not earned the right to hear my painful and traumatic story.

I think these two have summed it up. If it is a social club, then why put yourself at a disadvantage by telling the masses? I agree with the others. Keep your boundaries and tell friends, as and when appropriate, just as you would with any friendship. Being in this club does not mean everybody has a right to every intimate detail of your life. As for the alcohol - well there are many people who chose not to drink and they are not all expected to explain themselves.

Keep it simple.