I Haven’t Seen My Brother in Over 6 Years and I Reached Out to Him to Reconnect

[EveHarrington]

I reached out to my brother to reconnect as I have not seen him in 6 years. He replied saying that he was overwhelmed with happiness to hear me say that.

Part of me is sad that I did not reach out earlier. But, I was not in a “better” place until more recently due to addressing multiple health issues. (The post I made a few days ago was in the midst of a flare and they are becoming less and less as I get better.) I am sad about losing time with my brother.

When I received his response, I was so overwhelmed myself that I started crying. He did ask me to not talk about this with my mom though as he does not want to reconnect with her. I know she was hurt by being cut off by him as she doesn’t know exactly why it happened. The last thing I want to do is get in the middle of all that as I could not handle it especially since I don’t like keeping secrets and I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying either one of them.

I’m just waiting to hear back from my brother at this point so we will take it from there once I know more about his side of it all. (Complicated family dynamics destroyed much of our family of 5….not a single one of us is still talking to everyone else. Each of us is only in contact with 2 people, and with my brother and I reconnecting we will now be the two who are in contact with 3 others. My dad has been cut off by my sister. I am the only sibling who talks to both parents but the relationship with my father is very strained.)

But yes, I am quite excited! I hope this goes well.

 

[Rorster93]

I hope it goes well, too. My brother is the only one I speak to other than distant family that had nothing to do with what happened. When I see pictures of his daughter growing up without me, I cry and can't believe how beautiful she is, especially being from my brother.

To us, conversations of our mother are strictly for informational purposes only. Is she still around, alive and well? Yes. Well that's unfortunate, but there's always next year.

 

[Movingforward10]

Tha is exciting. Happy for you.

 

[Rose White]

That’s very brave of you. Best of luck.

 

[In the weeds]

My family is very divided too. I hope you and your brother reconnect in a positive way.

 

[Evie loves Sam]

This is brave of you.

My family didn't know what I was going through. I didn't want to burden them and they could not understand that I was struggling.

I reach out a lot to my family. They aren't so chatty and present and that makes me sad.

But all you can do is keep reaching out and see what happens in time.

 

[EveHarrington]

Thank you for your words of support!

Update~ I am supposed to meet my brother for lunch today. I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

[EveHarrington]

Update ~

Things today went well. We met for almost 4 hours and talked about so much. I’m sad to learn that my father has really failed my brother in a serious way, interestingly the same way my father failed me. It honestly makes me so mad. My sister was the same way towards him, but she has stepped up to help my brother in other ways. My brother has seemed to take it in stride although I’m seeing him after the fact when he’s had years to process what happened.

My brother talked about how he knows that our father cannot be there for him and he has accepted this. I think this is exactly what I needed to hear as it allows me to let go of any expectations I have for my father being there for me. It’s been hard to accept that my father just completely checked out once he got a new wife. My brother only sees my dad a few times a year on holidays.

When I told my mom that my brother wished me a happy birthday, she became weirdly jealous and even lashed out and attacked me in a very hurtful way. It was similar to how she behaved when I had a boyfriend, although it wasn’t as severe back then. I mentioned this to my brother and he said yeah, mom was weird when my sister was dating in high school and acted jealous. Now I know I cannot talk about my brother to my mom AT ALL. My brother even said if it gets to be too much and I need to stop talking to him, then it’s ok, he would understand. I do NOT plan on letting it get to that point as I don’t want to lose my brother. I hate that my mom behaves this way. My brother didn’t say why he’s so upset with my mom, but he did say that she never apologized to him and at this point it’s likely too late anyway.

I still have that desire for everyone to get along, but I need to fight the urge to act on this. I cannot fix anyone else’s relationships. I can only work on my relationships with others and do the best I can. I need to keep reminding myself of this.

Of course we talked about so much more, but I won’t get into everything as it was a lot of catching up and what we have been going through over the last few years.

I am angry though that my dad has failed my brother. He hit rock bottom essentially and didn’t even have the support of my dad. Now mind you, my brother was there to help my dad when he got cancer and needed help getting to treatment and such. My dad just takes and does not give.

I’ll stop for now as I’m still processing it all and it’s overwhelming. Thanks for reading.

 

[Movingforward10]

That sounds such a healing visit. Sounds like you both understood and supported each other. Whilst there is sadness about your dad and mum's behaviour, the fact you can both navigate your relationship together and hold space for it amongst everything else, is really special.