I hope this is the right group - question

[EV3]

Hi guys,

I have been in a relationship with a man for 5 years (engaged for about 5 months). Every time things get hard, like really hard, his go-to is to dissociate. I go to my parent's house and he stops texting. Just doesn't reply to texts. This is starting to take a real toll on my mental health. I am not looking for people to say to leave him. I love him very much and believe he is my person. I think what is happening to him is trauma-based. He was raised by two alcoholics (one neglectful, and one terrifying to be around). I want him to learn healthy coping skills but I cannot get through to him if he doesn't speak to me. And I literally can't afford this to happen again.I am obviously going to make it a condition to get help (we were in couples therapy until this last fight but the therapist was terrible) but in the meantime I am dying here. I don't think I've ever been in this much pain, especially since I am in therapy for my own trauma right now (which is incredibly emotionally taxing). Anyway, thanks guys.

Best,

EV

 

[grit]

I think in all honesty, you do not see him for who he is because your lenses are obscured by your own trauma. Things like this is hard on my mental health, dying here, and Laser like focus on his coping but not yours tell me, you need to get your decks in order.

I also think you may have a better and more lasting relationship if you focus on your own recovery and coping skills than his issues. These are what jumped at me and I hope you give him a chance by taking good care of yourself so you can at least minimize your contribution to the mix.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Who has PTSD? Him? You? Or both of you?

 

[blackemerald1]

Every time things get hard, like really hard, his go-to is to dissociate. I go to my parent's house and he stops texting. Just doesn't reply to texts. This is starting to take a real toll on my mental health.

What happens to make things hard? Why do you leave your home? How often is this happening? Have you discussed this pattern with him and told him how you are feeling when all of this happens?

but the therapist was terrible

Find another therapist to help.

 

[Abstract]

Hi and welcome here. If its OK to know then how dissociated does he become? Do you know if he has suffered any trauma and if so the nature of it? Did the relationship T know anything about trauma? One more question: is he able to be assertive in his day to day life?

 

[EveHarrington]

The problem is that he stops texting and this is killing your relationship?

Just trying to understand.