I just can't do it! i feel so guilty!!!!

[pandora]

Thanks guys....I am trying to process this but it is still really hard. I know my issues are troublesome but he has been so nice to me and again it was totally unexpected. It just hurts right now. I cannot beleive that I trusted enough to let someone in and I thought everything was OK....i know he is grieing the loss of his brother but he went from "I want you in my life" to "you are not ready to be in a relationship" it is hard to trust already and this just made me feel so broken.

 

[Damiea]

I have to echo what everyone is telling you.. I think the death of a close family member causes so very much emotional upheavel that things tend to overwhelm you. He could very possibly be just as scared and upset as you.. he's hurting so very much and lots of people need to greeve in private.. alone. And maybe he did want you to some how fix things and make him feel all better.. but thats not really possible with anyone! I would say.. look at it all as what a huge step you personally took in trying something new! Does it matter that this one time it didn't work out? what matters is you tried! and that is a huge personal step you took!

 

[becvan]

The part that sucks about his Pand, is that when we open ourselves to another we risk getting hurt. There is nothing we can do about that.

Realize that just because this relationship ended, does not mean that it's because your broken or unworthy. Maybe he was unworthy of you! Plus, people end relationships all the time for various reasons. Chances are your PTSD has had little to do with it!

I know how painful this is, but don't slam the door on dating and men just yet. I'm single but willing to try dating if the right type of man comes along. Trust is something others must earn from me. I see no difference in this for dating. They must earn it by being consistent, caring and capable.

I'm in the same boat as you.. we can work on this together!

So how you doing today?

bec

 

[kers]

Oh, Pandora. I'm sorry it didn't work out. But I'm so, so glad that you made the jump to try. That took a lot of bravery. And it made you so happy for a while--it was nice to see.

 

[vst]

Pandora,

I agree with all that has been said. Putting your trust in someone is very hard for us with PTSD. This past year a friendship was lost because of my PTSD. This man had been kind and good friend and to this day I am not sure exactly what happened. My feelings of friendship ended when he belittled me for my emotional baggage, even though he came with plenty himself. Now that the trust is gone, he is a trigger. For a while whenever I saw a car like his I became nauseated, but that is getting better. We sometimes run into each other because we have the same friends and each time I see him I get nauseous, but I am not losing the good friends I have over a stupid man. The good news was one day I realized that even though he had broken my trust I could trust again.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. We are all in this together.

Hugs,

vst

 

[Portabella]

I agree with Bec on this one, he needs space evidently due to his loss and his inability to deal with it. You are not "broken" I hate that expression. We are only as broken as we allow ourselves to believe we are.....I have a bit of rust, maybe a bit more wear than others my age, but I am unique and I earned it as did you ......((((Hugs)))))

 

[pandora]

Thank You everyone......

Had an appt with my therapist but unfortunately...this was a bad visit in that i could not concentrate. I just kept hearing counting and the words...breathe, just breathe...over and over in my head. I just feel saddened and almost tricked. Like really he just said "I want you in my life' and then 5 days later....l"you are not ready to be in a relationship. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH This just makes me want to hate men more. Now.....I don't want to trust again. i know i have been through a lot worse and i can handle alot but i feel mixed up, confused and sad today. I just want to be loved that is just the bottom line. I am having a very bad poor me day....sorry!!!

 

[Deleted member 541]

You will find love, and you are loved. Your son loves you, we love you, and now you need to learn to love yourself.

Love comes from within Pandora..... Love yourself and it will shine through you......You can have anything you want if you could only learn to love yourself......We all need to learn to do this.

 

[pandora]

Loving myself is something i know I still have to work on at least when I look in the mirror I don't say I hate you anymore and I really try to be nice to myself but today......I really do feel broken.

I really don't know what I did wrong...he knew from day one about my PTSD and back problems and then this. He has my heating pad at his house and won't return my calls and I REALLY don't know how to explain this. I don't want to bother him but I think I deserve more respect than this. I was only ever nice to him, we never had harsh words and the times together were fun! Makes no sense to me at all that is what is making it so much more confusing.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Pand,

This is my advice to you right now....STOP calling him. Do not lower yourself. Go and buy another heating pad. But do not call him again. It's only hurting you, and you are setting yourself up for more hurt each time he refuses to call you back. I know it's hard but please don't call him again..........You are so much more worthy of better treatment than what he has given you lately.....

Try to be strong right now.....

 

[pandora]

Thanx she cat....but it is a really expensive pad and I am oh so broke.....because I paid for both out holloween costumes for last friday night (two nights before he broke up with me.....LOL....makes no sense and Devons birthday and party were this month, I am financially broke but......my criminal injuries decision should be in this week. That is positive!!!!!

 

[Damiea]

also don't forget that in any relationship your hormones are all out of wack.. its part of being human.. so some of what you are feeling and going through are what everyone feels when upset over a relationship!