Poppin_Lot
New Here
....so I just did it.
I feel as someone who has experienced a lot of abuse, it's generally hard for me to cut ties with people. Naturally because I am empathetic, I hope for the best, I fear for my safety or generally because I don't have a lot of people in my life, so when someone enters into my life, I want to hold onto them the best I can.
Sometimes that isn't always the most healthy thing to do.
The friend I had messaged me on a dating website wanting to go for a date. So we did. It turns out he had left his 15 year relationship over a month prior to him seeing me. He actually said he didn't know if him and his ex were even broken up yet. He also told me that she was pregnant.
I remained friends with him to help him out with the hard times in his life. I did like him generally but eventually all the stress in his life became stress on my life.
My friend suddenly stopped talking to me one day. I didn't hear from him for months. He then calls me up. He told me that he ended up getting back together with his girlfriend and marrying her. He was upset because his wife has AGAIN ditched out on him and is threatening to abort his child. I allowed him to bring ALL that stress into my life when I was trying to heal myself.
When we talk, 80% of our conversations are focused on him and his wife's issues. If I don't live up to his expectations as a "friend" he becomes angry and says mean things to me. He has threatened our friendship over 10 times saying "maybe we shouldn't be friends because _____" you fill in that blank. It could be any reason. This is only when I didn't live up to his expectations as a friend he would do this.
For example not living up to his expectations could mean me putting forth boundaries, having my own hobbies or planing my healing process the way I want it to go.
I realise that eventually he will ditch me as a friend again when he gets on good terms with his separated spouse. I remember him telling me when him and his girlfriend separated multiple times previously he found good women but always left them to go back to her.
I am not going to be included in that count! So I told him that I feel like it's best that we shouldn't be friends anymore. He of course got mad and mean but I didn't respond. Now he is texting me trying to show his "nice side." I still won't respond.
Once the baby is born (if there is a baby) it's all going to be custody battles and such and that is more drama that I honestly don't want to get sucked into.
As a victim of multiple abuse, I find I have a habit of only removing people from my life when the relationship got unbearable, not beforehand. I am trying to react to warning signs and my gut his telling me that this "friend" of mine is bad news.
So I did it. Of course I am going through a really hard time letting go of a friend seeing as I don't have very many at all but I will get past this.
I hope my post encourages those reading this to do the same if they feel that someone in their life isn't treating them the way they deserved to be treated. By the way, always listen to your gut. It's usually right.
-Pop
I feel as someone who has experienced a lot of abuse, it's generally hard for me to cut ties with people. Naturally because I am empathetic, I hope for the best, I fear for my safety or generally because I don't have a lot of people in my life, so when someone enters into my life, I want to hold onto them the best I can.
Sometimes that isn't always the most healthy thing to do.
The friend I had messaged me on a dating website wanting to go for a date. So we did. It turns out he had left his 15 year relationship over a month prior to him seeing me. He actually said he didn't know if him and his ex were even broken up yet. He also told me that she was pregnant.
I remained friends with him to help him out with the hard times in his life. I did like him generally but eventually all the stress in his life became stress on my life.
My friend suddenly stopped talking to me one day. I didn't hear from him for months. He then calls me up. He told me that he ended up getting back together with his girlfriend and marrying her. He was upset because his wife has AGAIN ditched out on him and is threatening to abort his child. I allowed him to bring ALL that stress into my life when I was trying to heal myself.
When we talk, 80% of our conversations are focused on him and his wife's issues. If I don't live up to his expectations as a "friend" he becomes angry and says mean things to me. He has threatened our friendship over 10 times saying "maybe we shouldn't be friends because _____" you fill in that blank. It could be any reason. This is only when I didn't live up to his expectations as a friend he would do this.
For example not living up to his expectations could mean me putting forth boundaries, having my own hobbies or planing my healing process the way I want it to go.
I realise that eventually he will ditch me as a friend again when he gets on good terms with his separated spouse. I remember him telling me when him and his girlfriend separated multiple times previously he found good women but always left them to go back to her.
I am not going to be included in that count! So I told him that I feel like it's best that we shouldn't be friends anymore. He of course got mad and mean but I didn't respond. Now he is texting me trying to show his "nice side." I still won't respond.
Once the baby is born (if there is a baby) it's all going to be custody battles and such and that is more drama that I honestly don't want to get sucked into.
As a victim of multiple abuse, I find I have a habit of only removing people from my life when the relationship got unbearable, not beforehand. I am trying to react to warning signs and my gut his telling me that this "friend" of mine is bad news.
So I did it. Of course I am going through a really hard time letting go of a friend seeing as I don't have very many at all but I will get past this.
I hope my post encourages those reading this to do the same if they feel that someone in their life isn't treating them the way they deserved to be treated. By the way, always listen to your gut. It's usually right.
-Pop
