I Just Don't Get It. Public Places.

[Gunchief]

Malls

I am with you, way to many things to see and watch, I need to know where the exits are as well as ways out of there if things get bad "so says my head". I just started with PTSD counseling, I think this is going to be a long road for me.
Dave

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I know the statistics are not always accurate but I think quite a few people carry guns or some type of weapon these days in USA. Not just because of PTSD but because of the 9/11 attack.

I have a gun in my car but wouldn't take it in a mall because I might shoot someone. I have a knife in my purse and feel that by the time I found it by digging aimlessly into my purse, someone would have already taken me down.

In my own personal opinion I feel wanting to be alone is not a "character flaw" in the least bit. It's only a character flaw if you think it is. Personally, I enjoy getting out of the house 2-3 days a week, but I know I like to be alone a lot too.

I don't like the mall either (but can go and deal with it) and I will only go to Wal-Mart every 3 months and stock up on tons of stuff so I don't have to go back for another 3 months. The isles are small and the people are in a hurry and angry. It makes for a stressful shop and drop.

I can't remember where I read this, but there are a lot of people in this world who are level headed and don't have PTSD who like to stay at home and be alone. I used to work with this one lady who is like that. She never leaves her house unless she is forced into it, and she is happy and satisfied with her life.

You can keep pushing to get out of the house if you truely believe that it's necessary. Or is it because psychology states we should for our mental health? But ask yourself why should you if your truely happy at home?

Take care
Tammy

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I go to the mall to sit and look at the other people. I wonder about their lives. I think that my life is shit, but then I see these people at the mall and I feel so much better about myself after a short time.

ahahahaha

I have to walk through "upscale" neighborhoods on the way to school. I always make up stories about the people living in the houses, just to make myself feel better. Like "the guy living in THAT house is cheating on his wife with his secretary, only his wife doesn't know it...and the affair has been going on for 10 years now. The secretary is carrying his love child."....and "the couple living in the house over THERE, well, she is a closet alcoholic, and, he's in the closet!!!" OK OK, I know, I'm horrible...but it makes me crack up laughing on my walks to school...sometimes my stories about these people can get pretty outrageous.

 

[SGT Bilko]

I thought I was gonna be the only man to post in this thread, then I see Blues beat me to it...

I was thinking about this and it seemed that crowded places don't bother me much most times, but then I realized that it may be because I always have a gun on me. So my time in a mall is spent watching my wife and daughter(s) shop while I hang back and keep on guard for trouble.

I can understand the anguish over crowds and feeling vulnerable when I recall the times in the past few years when I attended big league ball games where I couldn't carry a gun or a knife, and it was a serious stressor. It was a hard choice to make - to miss something that I really wanted to partake in - or go in what felt like a naked, vulnerable state.

So, I'm not sure if I'm even on track here. I'll go most anywhere if I'm allowed to be armed. If it's the rare place that restricts that right - well, I definitely have to be highly motivated and psyched up to pull that off...

You must be my god damn soul mate. Ever sense i got home I HAVE to have a weapon. The only problem is I was getting drunk to deal with my problems and that doesn't mix! Crowds are the worst for me. It takes me back to Afghanistan where I was in patrol in those crowded market squares and such. Everyone was always shooting as us and it made it really hard to shoot back without hurting anyone that was..."innocent".... Heck we were walking one time an a kid about nine or ten ran up and when my buddy leaned down to give him some candy the kid tried to stab him in the chest with a hypodermic needle filled with what we thought was bleach. God bless body armor. Crowds = nightmares from hell. My girl always gets mad at me when i get super agetated when there are more than ten people that i don't know around. As they bunch up and come at me it gets worse. Then i have to leave... Even when im packing its hard. I have to get super amped too when there is some place like the mall i really want to go too. School isn't that bady anymore because I've gotten pretty comfortable with it. Its only a community college out in the sticks so im good.

 

[patrick]

How about concerts, sporting events, movies, parades, fairs, festivals? I almost didn't go to the commencement when my son graduated from college because of the huge crowds at those things. I don't carry a gun, but I don't leave the perimeter of a crowd unless it's absolutely unavoidable.

The good news is that since I started in treatment for this PTSD last fall I'm actually getting better about this. I'm not sure why, but I'll take it. I used to think that hating crowds was just the way I am and that I'll just have to live with it. Now, with therapy and effort, lots of the fears are just going away, or at least are much reduced. Life can get better. It doesn't always have to be the way it is now.

 

[Blues in NYC]

You must be my god damn soul mate. Ever sense i got home I HAVE to have a weapon. The only problem is I was getting drunk to deal with my problems and that doesn't mix! Crowds are the worst for me. It takes me back to Afghanistan where I was in patrol in those crowded market squares and such. Everyone was always shooting as us and it made it really hard to shoot back without hurting anyone that was..."innocent".... Heck we were walking one time an a kid about nine or ten ran up and when my buddy leaned down to give him some candy the kid tried to stab him in the chest with a hypodermic needle filled with what we thought was bleach. God bless body armor. Crowds = nightmares from hell. My girl always gets mad at me when i get super agetated when there are more than ten people that i don't know around. As they bunch up and come at me it gets worse. Then i have to leave... Even when im packing its hard. I have to get super amped too when there is some place like the mall i really want to go too. School isn't that bady anymore because I've gotten pretty comfortable with it. Its only a community college out in the sticks so im good.

Keep working at it both of you. I must admit I don't feel the need to be armed. But I was never trained to use or carry firearms. (I'm an artist remember? Ahahaha. I just remembered a rather funny bullying incident when I was a kid getting beat up. The bully kept saying over and over, "How you gonna paint your way outta this one, huh?" Granted I was too busy being hit to tell him how I might or might not paint my way out of that one but I do remember thinking clearly, even in those circumstances, "What an idiot. That's really not that clever a thing to say.")

I also must admit it does trouble me to hear of two other folks suffering from PTSD out there on the streets armed and sometimes scared. I know I get confused when the fear gets in me. If it's really bad I can get pretty disoriented and even have flashbacks bleeding in. This has only happened a handful of times, but I'm glad I didn't have anything at hand that might have hurt someone including myself. Not saying I want to get all up in your legal rights and what not, just being honest about how I don't always trust myself and by extrapolation have a hard time always trusting anyone struggling with a flair up of their PTSD. Hope this doesn't offend.

Back on topic though, it looks like the consensus seems to be overall that malls suck for most of us and even if none of us had PTSD we all might still agree that malls suck. :smile:

Be well everyone. Be healthy. Be safe.

~Blues

 

[CaptainR]

Sarge,

Keep hanging in there. I'm really glad to hear you accept the dangers of mixing the alcohol with the gun!

Blues,

You mentioned concern about a PTSDer with a gun, and the dangers of a flare-up or getting fearful. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me fear isn't an issue. My hypervigilance symptom never feels like one that could make me do something out of wrong judgement or fear. I've been in more than one situation that I could have fired my weapon and been justified, but my instincts told me I still had another option, and the other option is what I chose. The only time I did shoot, there wasn't any doubt or hesitation, so I don't worry about making a wrong decision. My hypervigilance just makes me so uncomfortable if I am unarmed, and then feel unprotected. It makes me feel as though it's inevitable that if I don't have my gun, then something will happen.

I still remember hearing the account of the Luby's Cafeteria shootings, which happened six months before the shooting I was involved in. I remember hearing how it went down, and at the time I didn't carry off-duty much just because it seemed such a hassle having to dress differently to conceal the gun. But I heard that, and imagined I was there eating with my children, and something like that happened. I imagined how I would feel if I had to watch things unfold, and perhaps be presented with a clear line of sight to the badguy, yet I had no gun. I just couldn't live with that. I have the skill, and the authority, and although with the PTSD it becomes an obsession, I don't think of it as a problem. The only place I used to abstain from carrying was Church, then what happens?? Nuts start showing up in churches shooting people, so now I discreetly carry there also.

I know the PTSD makes me freak out when I go out unarmed, but I never worry it will make me do something wrong.

This was an interesting thread to begin with, and I still feel kind of bad for taking this direction with it. But actually I guess it's all related. The problem with PTSD and crowds is that feeling of being vulnerable, and overwhelmed. Being presented with too many unknowns to be able to feel like we can protect ourselves, regardless of the specific nature of the trauma.

On another note, tomorrow is the seventeenth anniversary of the shooting I was in, and I feel strangely okay this morning. Had nightmares last night, but they didn't seem work related, although it can be hard to tell. But I feel.... okay.... And as most of you know, many times feeling okay is pretty freaking great!

Hope everyone keeps positive and moving forward. Sometimes I have to remind myself that if I keep looking over my shoulder while I'm moving forward, there's a pretty good chance I'm going to walk into a wall...

 

[Blues in NYC]

Thanks for taking the time to explain further. I have PTSD so I get that part. But like I said in the post you responded to, I'm not trained to use firearms--neither the basic skills or shooting nor the deep ethical issues that go along with carrying a firearm. So without that experience, I don't understand fully and can only imagine. But what you describe and your reasons are very different from what I think I was imagining what carrying a gun would be like for a trained and authorized person. Again thanks for taking the time to respond thoughfully and patiently to something I didn't get and not coming back mean or nasty about it. I know guns can quickly turn into a nasty political debate and it's clear that you are as disinterested in going there as I am.

And also I too feel bad for steering this further off topic, though I guess as you said it's related. Take care all.

And Cap, my thoughts and hopes are with you as you make it through your anniversary tomorrow. Peace to you and your family on that day and after.

 

[CaptainR]

Thank you Blues.

As an aside to all this, I realized during the day today that I was wrong in my post.... the anniversary of the shooting is Sunday (April 26th) not tomorrow. For some reason when I realized that, it really felt like a positive thing, because my initial reaction to the realization wasn't that I was off on the calendar (because I wasn't confused about the date of the shooting, just what date Saturday was) my initial reaction was, "Damn, I wasn't so obsessive and ridiculous about this that I actually looked at the calendar and counted down the days!"

As I said in either my previous post in this thread, or another, I actually feel "okay" today, and that feeling has continued. Okay, feels unbelievably good. I can't describe it better than that. It just feels so strange, so foreign, to actually look at the world and see things in a more positive light, instead of searching for the blackness.

I love it! If I figure out what made it happen you can be sure I will share that knowledge, but for now I'm just enjoying the moments.....

 

[patrick]

Captain,

Isn't it great to feel good once in a while? I've been having a good spell lately, and like you, I don't know why, but I'm going to enjoy is while I can. It would be nice to think that it is because of the desire to recover and the effort made to do so. That's still awful hard for me to believe about myself, but I'm working on it.

Congratulations on your good day, and may you (and all the rest of us) have many more to come.

Pat