I Just Need To Vent, Im Sorry...

[lostforgottensoul]

I just need to vent and get this off my chest, im sorry...it seems like im doing that a lot lately :sorry:

For those that dont know, my dad and step mom live with me. It wasnt my idea, it was my dad's. At the time, we were both struggling financially and we both came to a price of $400 a month to me for rent, I pay everything else.

With the actual apartment rent + water, cable/internet/home phone (all from the cable company; also all increased for what they wanted and home phone for them), electric, my cell phone this equals on adverage about $1,350; Im the only one that works and though my dad (not my step mom) is on my lease and ive been there the entire time (they moved in orginally, moved out for a year, then back in) i feel this is my apartment. It is their home too but i feel that my feelings about things should, in the very least, be respected.

Not only is there constant fighting over the smallest things happening between everyone; though i feel my step mom instigates the majority of them; but everyone's feelings must be heard and respected but mine!

For example, yesterday while getting ready for work, my step mom was using the restroom with the door open and light on. I asked her very nicely to please close the door, i didnt wasnt to see or hear that. This caused her to start a fight. All she could say is "i dont care if..., i didnt it before in the other place (was just her and my dad), i wouldnt care if you did..." i didnt say anything but all i could think is "you dont care but I do!"

She also seems to only need to go to the bathroom when im in the shower, which i CANT STAND as im nude in the shower but never really say much cuz when you gotta go, you gotta go & we only have 1 bathroom.

Today, i guess my dog's auto waterer was empty and instead of telling me, or using the water pitcher with tap water as i do when im in a hurry and cant fill up the 5 gallon jug that sits on top, she poured a half of bottle of bottled water in it which I PAY MONEY FOR, more than i do on the water bill. And though they do buy most of the food, i generally buy what i eat and drink & also small things like butter, milk, even things i dont eat like bread, eggs, 2 liters for my step mom, etc. I also am the one that buys the bottled water as at home thats mostly all i drink. I spend about $10 a week on water and my point was, instead of putting it in the dog's bowl, put it back in the fridge to drink later. I spend more on bottled water a month than i do on my entire water bill every month.

That created yet another fight. When i asked "can you guys respect that i have feelings too?" My dad sticking up for her when she was yelling, i said "please stop yelling at me" and he said "she's not yelling, she's discussing" well she was rasing her voice to the point that i could hear her if i was outside! Ita an 850 sq fr apartment that has wood floors and echoes, raising your voice that loud is yelling!

Plus she states this like "Im sorry for trying to take care of your dog!" That wasnt the point, i appreciate you thinking to do that, the point was use tap water, not bottled water.

And she seems to dictate when a conversation is over, even when im still trying to get my point and my feelings across. Yes Mrs Queen, i bow down and end a convo when you say its over! :rolleyes:

Oh and she also said, before she decided the convo was over "go ahead and threaten to kick me out again"; i guess my dad prob told her "if you leave then i will and she wont kick me out"; bullshit i wont! I said "id like that very much!"

So now i get to be an emotionless shell of a person in my own house! I hate my life! :banghead:

 

[Peach]

I can commiserate with you on the difficulties of having a parent live with you. I'm in my 30s, own my own place, and lived alone for a while between my sister moving out and my mom moving in. She was only supposed to be there for a couple of months while she and my dad bought a house in the area. Then he decided he wanted out of the marriage. A nasty separation, divorce, major emotional upheaval, and 2 years later she's still living with me. We get along fairly well, but do have our problems.

I've tried to bend over backward to make her comfortable. She, like your folks, pays $400 a month and that covers everything. She's got a good sized bedroom, her own bathroom, I gave her half the yard to do what she wanted (vegetable and flower gardens, etc), a designated 4 feet of kitchen cabinet space and counter top, the entire unfinished walkout basement for storage and a second little living room, her own back deck off the basement, and half the two car garage for her fridge and a pantry!

And yet, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her quite often because she doesn't like my cats and I keep the central heat and air set in such a way that the power bill doesn't cost me $200 a month. I even gave her a section of my fridge for the stuff she uses often (like coffee creamer) so she doesn't have to go the garage every single time.

But it still isn't enough for her. She has spread out EVERYWHERE! It's not my house anymore. When she's taken over all the space in my fridge I'll gently ask her if she could move some stuff out or if I put her crap back onto her part of the counter she gets mad.

I feel like she doesn't know how to see me as an adult. I'm not you're young child anymore and I'm not your husband.

She does clean and do the dishes regularly, which is a nice perk...but not really worth feeling like an outsider in MY sanctuary.

Seriously? What the hell else do you want from me???

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I can commiserate with you on the difficulties of having a parent live with you. I'm in my 30s, own my own...

I feel ya! My dad, i think because he left my mom when i was 12 ans never saw ir spoke to me again until i waa 19, still views me as that 12 yr old....im 34 dad!

I'll be on the site ( this site is priavte that only my therapist and myself know im on...dont need my family snooping & reading my deepest thoughts) but he'll ask me " who are you talking to?" (Cuz i use the site on my phone; he's thinking its a text) none of your f*cking business! Seriously? He has 5 other adult children; 4 from his 1st marriage & the me & my bother from his 2nd...im the youngest), he wouldnt dare ask any of them that! He's wayyy too nosey!

I have a 850 sq ft apartment and their room is small so i have to give up control of most of the house...which isnt a big deal.anymore since im isolating myself to my room now (cant enjoy the 50 inch LCD HD tv i bought myself for xmas the yr before last) bur whatever.

Actually their physical presence is good at the moment; especially when it came to what i did here Thursday night (technically early AM friday). I think i wouldnt of be able to do it and if i lived alond would of bdoken down ans bought duster to huff to numb the EXTREME pain i felt. So in thag reguard im glad they were there.

 

[Peach]

Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you, been SUPER busy. I can definitely see why him asking who you're talking to would get annoying. You're right, you're an adult and you can talk to absolutely anyone about anything, but I guess as long as he backs off after you've answered, frustrating as it may be, (whether it be with "nobody" or "just playing on the internet") no real harm done. If, however, that's not good enough and he HAS to know....nope, none of your business buddy.

Shame about the TV. You're not able to put it in your room? If there's no cable outlet, you may consider a Roku if you have Wifi, then you could stream some things like Netflix or Hulu. Dunno what your circumstances are, but might be worth looking into.

I'm glad you are able to find the silver lining about having them in your quarters for the time being. For me, the frustration comes and goes. We'll have a small argument about something, things are resolved for a while before slowly building back up again and the cycle repeats. LOL

 

[lostforgottensoul]

as long as he backs off after you've answered, frustrating as it may be, (whether it be with "nobody" or "just playing on the internet") no real harm done. If, however, that's not good enough and he HAS to know....nope, none of your business buddy.

My dad ANNOYINGLY keeps asking; and thats what ive told him "none of your business" and "stop being nosey" and now both of them (dad & step mom) try to see what im typing, especially now being on two sites, and i always look up at them and they move their heads as to make it seem like they werent trying to see. I'll also change postion like i'm just changing postion of my body but im doing it to make it impossible for them to see what im typing or reading.

Its f*cking annoying! Even if i were texting someone, im 34 yrs old! I'll ask my dad "why do you want to know" and his answer "just curious". No you're not, you are nosey!

 

[Peach]

That is odd. I wonder what his motivation is behind that, since it just seems to be you and not his other kids. I suppose you have tried having a calm conversation with him about it?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That is odd. I wonder what his motivation is behind that, since it just seems to be you and not his other kids. I suppose you have tried having a calm conversation with him about it?

He left when I was 12 yrs old & i never got back in contact with him until i was 19, i think part of him still sees me as a 12 yr old. Sort of like if your child was kidnapped as a child & came home as an adult (techinally & legally what happened), you would still want to treat them as that child that was kidnapped. I believe either Gina Dejesus's or Amanda Berry's mom (cant remember which) said that she does that accidently on tv the day they came home (Cleveland House kidnapping) so i get it but damn, he's had 15 yrs to realize im not 12 anymore.

My dad takes everything personal. He's 74 but he is negitive for dementia so i dont know what it is. Like he narrates a show if he's seen it and if you tell him to stop & he doesnt and i become annoyed, he'll say "i wont talk at all then" and storms off into the other room like a child. Or he asks 10 millon questions during a show and if he watches it and shuts up his questions will be answered and i can only put up with it for so long before i say something; cause im trying to watch it too, not answer his constant 10 millon questions and i have to rewind it 6 times; i'll calmly state that its annoying when he does that and he'll say "im sorry im annoying". Thats not what i said!

Blah :wtf: We are 40 yrs apart so i guess i need to learn to have more patience with him. I know sometimes i dont but i do have severe anxiety so i can only take so much before i just get annoyed.

The nosey part. When you talk to him about that he'll defend himself and put it back on me like "well im sorry im trying to get to close to you" or "im sorry im trying to talk to you" or something. No you arent, you are being nosey!

Neither one admits they are trying to see the screen of my phone but thats a bit obvious.

Come on! I do need to take him into therapy with me, its just not the right timing to work on our relationship yet. I gotta work on me first.

I cant put the 50 inch in my bedroom but ive been coming back in the livingroom, got tired of not being able to watch it and on my days off like i used to, i turn the channel off Fox New which is on ALL DAY LONG, from my phone. It confuses him cuz he has the cable remote lol. "Hey how did that happen?" Hehe :p