I Just Want This Therapist Out Of My Life

[digger]

Maybe try thinking back to the point you were at before you met her. What did you want to get out of therapy? What were you looking for in a therapist? What did you expect to get from a therapist? I am working on the assumption that you did choose her as oppose to being referred to her by someone else? Were you looking for this from a therapist? I have to say that I find it very strange for a therapist to be saying that she is happy having no boundaries within the therapeutic relationship, especially as she knows boundaries have been so very badly broken with your previous therapist.

It might be worth doing a bit of googling as well along the lines of 'what boundaries to expect from a therapist'

 

[BloomInWinter]

Here's some information regarding appropriate boundaries with therapists that might be helpful. Note that this is written as a set of guidelines which are expected to be adapted as needed.

"Counselors should develop and maintain a treatment frame--those conditions necessary to support a professional relationship. Setting and maintaining boundaries is especially critical in treating survivors of childhood abuse and neglect. Several parameters of the treatment frame are discussed below, as well as special issues that may arise. Because childhood abuse is a profound violation of personal boundaries, adult survivors of abuse or neglect may never have developed healthy and appropriate boundaries, either for themselves or in their expectations of others. They often need a great deal of affection and approval, and counselors must make clear that they are not responsible for directly meeting all of those needs. Boundaries help the counselor as well as the client because counselors tend to be nurturing healers, which may lead them to fall unwittingly into inappropriate roles in response to their clients' stories."

Also, later in this article, "The counselor should guide clients in doing difficult interpersonal tasks themselves, not only to strengthen the clients' ability to take responsibility for their lives but also to maintain important adult boundaries. The counselor must maintain a calm, optimistic interest in his clients, recognizing that getting overly involved will rob clients of the opportunity to identify and build upon their own inner resources.

Other parameters of the counseling relationship, or treatment frame, set by many mental health professionals (Briere, 1989) include

• Making regular appointment times, specified in advance
• Enforcing set starting and ending times for each session
• Declining to give out a home phone number or address
• Canceling sessions if the client arrives under the influence of alcohol or psychoactive drugs
• Not having contact outside the therapy session
• Having no sexual contact or interactions that could reasonably be interpreted as sexual
• Terminating counseling if threats are made or acts of violence are committed against the counselor
• Establishing and enforcing a clear policy in regard to payment

...Also, for some clients, telephone contact outside the therapy session is necessary and fosters a working alliance between client and counselor. Some clients may need ongoing support for dealing with difficulties with their children or suicidal feelings. A rigid rule stating no contact outside of therapy may be harmful for very needy clients. Clients may feel abandoned if a telephone call is not returned, damaging the therapeutic alliance."

Source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64902/

The therapeutic alliance is something both patient and therapist work on together, so I'd ask her what her boundaries with you are. Then, see how you feel about that. Be honest and open, and maybe you can both find what will be most helpful to you. But don't give up.

 

[Reds]

Maybe try thinking back to the point you were at before you met her. What did you want to get out of therapy? '

I wanted someone who'd help me understand and teach me how to cope or deal with it.

What were you looking for in a therapist? What did you expect to get from a therapist? I am working on the assumption that you did choose her as oppose to being referred to her by someone else? Were you looking for this from a therapist'

I needed someone who'd not get sexually attracted me, highly qualified and experienced. So she has been working with sexually abused people for over 15years, and she has centers helping sexual abuse victims and she is a supervisor to junior psychologists.

I didn't choose her, but was referred by a friend. I just wanted someone who'd understand the pain and confusion in my head and heart. For some reason I think she does

 

[Reds]

@BloomInWinter thank you for the article I have read it. I am thinking if I should share it with her. But I now get the picture. I think it is because of my transference that I honestly don't mind not having boundaries :(
I once asked her if we could make our own rules as we go, and she liked the idea and I also told her I do not want to be made to feel like I am a client.

Maybe I am just confused and don't what I want or expect from her. I just want her to be apart of my life :(

 

[BloomInWinter]

It's perfectly understandable to have finally found a trusted person and want/need as much from them as they are willing to give. I struggle with that too.

As we get stronger, we can begin having acquaintance-type friendships where we don't share anything but the mild pleasantries of life. Once we gain some measure of being comfortable with that, it becomes easier to make basic friendships without being too demanding of others, something that is instinctive to those of us which lifelong PTSD.

Eventually, we'll find a friend (or several) who know what we are dealing with and try to be there for us as they can. Our circle widens, we can spread out our needs between many others, and make good memories in today which can shield us from the difficult times of trouble.

That's the goal, anyway, for me. That's why I keep pushing myself to try to learn how to be more self-sufficient emotionally, physically, socially. It is very difficult.