I Just Want To Leave... I'm Tired

[Deleted member 37868]

Life seems exhausting lately, I'm possibly f*cked up beyond help. Both my parents have severe mental disorders, schizophrenia, and psychotic depression. I had an eating disorder from 12-21. In healthy now, but it never made me happy, hence the drugs. I thought success was still something I desired, but I just got on the deans list, and a scholarship, and I feel nothing, just sad and tired. All I want to do is get so altered that I'm barely even conscious. I'm not even done my bachelors degree and I might be given a position in a law office, all these things, and I'm miserable. My ptsd is acting up, I can't be in rooms with people, so the class skipping starts. I don't know what the point of my life is. I somehow actually made some friends, but it's not like I even want to be around people most days. I've never even been in love, and it seems like it may never happen for me.

 

[hodge]

Hang in there, Tracy. Are you in therapy?

 

[Deleted member 37868]

I talked about this in another thread, but due to the state of the healthcare system my doctor is not giving me a referral to a therapist, he's a dick though too. My last therapist had 2 ph.ds and zero empathy. I almost found it more harmful than anything else.

 

[hodge]

I'm so sorry.

If you live anywhere near the U.S. border there are tons of Ts here. Lots with sliding fee scales, even where I live, out in the middle of nowhere. I know it's a long shot, but I don't have any better suggestions.

 

[Deleted member 37868]

I'm so sorry.

If you live anywhere near the U.S. border there are tons of Ts here. Lots with sliding fee...

That's an idea! I live quite close actually thank you

 

[hodge]

Go for it! I wish you could see my T. She's an angel! But there are lots out there like her.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@tracy jones Would it be possible to speak to a priest or minister? How about a school councilor? Starting a diary here would also benefit you. Read as much as you can here, as feeling a connection will also help. Don't give up looking for help...

 

[Deleted member 37868]

Interesting you should say that, I sort of lost my faith somewhere along the way, and it was something very important to me, idk I've had therapists it's just hard to find a good one, every time I walk past a church I get the urge to walk in. There's a lot of judgement for being religious in accademic life, idk anyone who is.