I Keep Getting Flash Backs

[Amethyst124]

I was 5 years old with my first sexual abuse. I was molested by my 30 year old baby sitter. I was again raped repeatedly for 6 months by an ex boyfriend when I was 13. And raped again at 14. Recently I've been getting flash backs every time me and my fiance engage in sex. We've been together a year and it never happened really before. These past 2 weeks I've had flash backs towards my time of climax, and end up completely motionless at times. It's gotten pretty bad but I don't know if there's any way I can make this stop. My fiance is one of the kindest men I've ever met. He would never lay a hand on me bad but for some reason I get flash backs... Any help?

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Unfortunately it appears that it could be trauma that you haven't processed yet? I'm sorry for the abuse you went through so horrific and young aged , did you have any therapy for these traumas? Does your fiancée know about the abusers?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I think with time and therapy to process your sexual assaults you'll be able to reclaim your right to intimacy. Have you ever considered group therapy with other rape victims? If you don't have a therapist now and are shopping for one, I suggest getting names of good ones from your local rape and assault agency. They are a real support they've helped me through some very bleak times and it doesn't even matter that my rapes were decades ago. I used to dissociate during sex or if not that, my body would go numb. I was just going through the motions. I never told my husband my rape history. We were together for for 25 years then he started getting into porn and I couldn't cope with it. One thing I know for sure is that talking about it with empathetic people will make a huge difference. And clue your fiancé in. I never gave my ex a chance to be part of my healing but I was drowning in shame and alcohol. Best wishes.