I Love Who I Am.

[Loner]

I am an amazing man. I have been through hell. I have seen a side of human nature so dark most people cannot even comprehend it let alone accept it. I have had unbelievable amounts of pain in my life and have met it all with bravery courage kindness and love. No one can hurt me enough to make me cruel. I have made peace with the fact the universe does not care about me, that it is a brutal violent place and life is transitory which has made me realize life is a precious beautiful miracle. I am not quite satisfied with my life yet but that's OK, there are just so many things I still want to do. There is so much about me that is just simply amazing.

The last time someone attempted to visit violence on me time basically stopped, the adrenalin slowed down time for me that my first thought was not of the angry man coming at me with his hand up, but just to marvel in the beauty of the moment, then I reacted by calmly putting him onto the ground without anger malice or hurting him at all. I have realized that what's most important in life is to be true to yourself, your convictions and the way you want to live your life. I would like people to love me or at least like me but I don't need it. I am happy with who I am and the way I have lived my life and I am simply amazing. Thank you so much to everyone on this site. This is not a goodbye, its just a thank you. I wish my arms were big enough to hug you all at once.

 

[Philippa]

It's a good place to be in to have that attitude. I'm happy that you are there Loner. Life is so much better when you can let go of any need for other people to love or like you or even approve of you. Allowing them the freedom to do either or is extremely liberating.

 

[Loner]

It is. I can't say thats the place I live in yet but I'm working on it. I still hate myself sometimes but thats ok. Thanks for the kind words.

 

[The Albatross]

Love how you described the detachment from the stress of the moment. Congratulations, well done. Carry on!

 

[Philippa]

I'm not sure it is something that can be maintained indefinitely, as I have fallen back into self-hatred at times as well, but at the very least, you now know that it is something to reach for and have tasted it. Many people never get that far, so it is a real achievement, and you should be proud of yourself.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please bottle that and send some my way. I will pay generously.

Kidding, kidding.

Much congrats to you.

 

[Loner]

Hhaahahaha, if I could bottle it I'd sent some your way as well as stockpile a bunch for myself for later. I have not been feeling the same thing recently but I am sure I will again eventually.

 

[The Albatross]

Enjoy the moment, moments... they are hard won and worth remembering Loner.

 

[LhasaLover]

Loner, What a beautiful thing to step back and be able to say "Thank you". It is a great sign of progress to allow yourself to have good days and see what is good in life and take it. You sound as if you are working hard on yourself and it is paying off. Bless you!!! Recently, instead of questioning the good in my life, the things and people that keep me going, my therapist suggest I simply say thank you. It felt great to be able to accept everything and know I was good enough to deserve it, and well, people were so happy when I told them thank you for their support and how much I thought of them. I doesn't mean we know our futures, but it means we are own our way in recovery I believe. Keep enjoying what is good. How I love this Accomplishments forum!

 

[Philippa]

Everything is changeable, remember that. No feeling lasts. Every moment is different. It's learning to not become attached to the feeling, or chasing it that is the trick. It may come back, it may not, you are here now feeling whatever you feel.