I Miss My Therapist.

[angel2write]

Considering how hard it was for me to start therapy and how much I didn't want to do it.... I'm really missing my therapist.

She's on maternity. The interim person is too happy or something. She chirps. If I wanted a chirpy therapist, I'd have hired a bird. She also makes me sit on the couch. I don't like to sit on the couch- it's too hard to escape from. She's between me and the door, too. And she asks these really inane questions. She makes it sound like she thinks I'm making things up. Or something. She has my file. Couldn't she read it? Or at least some of it?

I miss my regular person. She doesn't treat me like an idiot. She let me pick my chair. She doesn't sit too close. Her room is nice and dark so I don't feel like I need sunglasses to sit in there. It's calm and quiet and she doesn't mind if I stop talking sometimes to try and get my breathing under control.

I canceled my appointment with the temp this week, and now I kind of regret it because I feel like my brain is coming unsewed. I miss having someone who's used to dealing with trauma survivors, though. This lady specialized in children. She has an office full of Dr. Seuss books and toys. The toys kind of creep me out. She was a kindergarten teacher. Did I mention she chirps? :cautious:

Oh, ignore me. I'm just whining. Two more months until my first lady comes back from the baby. I sure hope she does come back from the baby, or I'm going to have to start over trying to find someone. I'm scared that after she has the baby she won't want to talk to me. This is paranoia, and I know it, but I'm still afraid.

Like I said. Whining.

 

[SimplyComplex]

If it isn't a good fit, it isn't anything to do with you or her...it just isn't a good fit. What are the other options?

 

[Srain]

Good question Simply and one I might be asking if the next one or two appts go the same. It's always tough to change, so of course there is going to be an adjustment but did she suggest her? Is it possible to make some suggestions to the lighting while you are in there, I have the same issue and have to have low lighting. As far as seating is that open for discussion as well as the pitch of her voice?

Two months is a long time and if these things cannot be addressed and there is nobody else then you may have an issue on hand. However, I would as least attempt a try at them. She may be a child clinician but to me that says P A T I E N T so let's see just how patient first since you seem in need right now. I would remember that the things you mentioned that are bothering you are all things that are common with people that suffer with PTSD so this shouldn't an issue, well except maybe the reading section :whistling:.

 

[angel2write]

I would remember that the things you mentioned that are bothering you are all things that are common with people that suffer with PTSD so this shouldn't an issue,

Mmmm... I hadn't thought about it this way. I feel frustrated with myself for getting so bothered by stupid stuff like lighting and where I have to sit. I feel like it's rude for me to ask her to close the blinds, or to ask if I can drag a different chair in there or swap seats with her. Last time I was being driven bonkers because there were (gasp!) paper clips on the floor! The horror! I finally broke down and picked them up and threw them in the trash when she was in the middle of talking to me. She looked at me like I was batty but didn't say anything.

Do you think it would be really rude for me to ask her to close the blinds, give up her doctor chair (obviously where she is used to sitting) and swap with me so I'm between her and the door instead of the other way around, and tell her that her loud, exuberant tone of voice is freaking me out? Do you think that would be ok?

She is a nice person. And my T did pick her out for me, based on what criteria I'm not sure. I could call up and request someone different, like SimplyComplex suggested, but I don't know any of them, and I don't know what would happen. It scares me.

 

[Kim]

My heart goes out to you angel, really it does but I couldn't help but giggle about the "chirping". I've run into people like that and my first instinct is to choke the life out of them.:laugh: I could picture her sitting there talking to you. You're not alone in feeling the way you do.

Seriously, I'd let her know that you're uncomfortable and ask for the things that would make you feel better. If all else fails see what other options you have available to you, like Rain said. I agree with her 100%. It never hurts to ask.

PS. I needed a good giggle this morning. Thanks for that.

 

[SimplyComplex]

lol dont feel batty! Cause then I have to be too. I sit in the same spot, I arrive at the same time, I cross my legs the same way, put my purse in the same spot, always have something to drink (but switched from coffee to water cause I dont need to be hyped up in therapy). She never changes anything in her office...I dont think she has moved a book in a year. Makes me happy. Well she moves pillows but they don't bother me. and sometimes her chair seems closer, I guess when they vacuum they move it. She told me another person asked her to move it back and it hasn't been that close in a long time (I journaled about it being too close lol). If there was paperclips on the floor...I think I would pick them up too.

I am not like this in other areas of my life. But I really need the safety of those comforts there. Something about things being the same is just comforting. I have been pushing myself. I sat different last time (same spot) and even took off my flip flops. I am pushing myself to come a little later...I was panicking if I was going to be any later then 5 minutes early. I figure getting a little less comfortable might actually help me feel more able to handle uncertainty.

 

[a3a2]

Mmmm... I hadn't thought about it this way.

Yes, Angel, I think that would be more than okay. I also suggest a coming up with a good nickname (you may not want to share that with her). My husband called one T. he was required to see for his chronic illness "The Queen of Naboo" from Star Wars. It kept the occasional appointment tolerable.

And thanks for the laugh. I have no difficulty imagining the chirping!