I Moved - Had To Escape The Surroundings

[vcc123]

Its been awhile since I've been on the forum.. I finally had to move. I had to get away from my surroundings.. I'm now in Arizona. My husband (Ubu) is still in Utah, my eldest daughter is going to be a senior and wants to stay there and finish. My 13 year old daughter has been wanting to try living with her dad, so I figured this would be a good time to try it out. My four year old son is with me, and sees his dad about ever two weeks.. daily phonecalls etc.

I dont know if I made the right choice in leaving Utah, but it truly felt like my only choice.

I was forced back to work due to the finances of trying to maintain two households on hubbys income and my meager disability.. so I got a less stressful job as an office assistant to a Chiropractor. Half the pay I'm used to getting, not very fulfilling, but at least I'm able to get my butt dressed and go to work. I feel like its a teeny improvement. However, marriage is suffering obviously, and I feel very empty. I dont fit in my own skin yet. But I missed talking to you all.. Hope everyone is well.

 

[mouse]

Glad to hear your back on the forum, Wow that must have been scarey getting up and leaving the familar, but it sounds like the kids are doing ok wit hit and it puts you in a good place I commend you and am proud of you aas well as admire your strength! welcome back from your new digs

 

[vcc123]

Thanks Mouse.. I've been here for about 4 weeks now.. dont know if I made the right choice or not yet. I got a partime job.. my DR. only released me for 15 hrs a week.. but I was forced to, financially. Working for a Chiropractor.. seems pretty mellow.. and hey, I can get cracked whenever I need it. Bonus!!

The last 2 days have been pretty bad.. I came to the forum cuz I really needed to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through, and maybe make sense of why I'm doing what I am.. (moving and all.)

I cant afford to find a shrink right now, so I've mainly been reading my books and writing alot in my journal and poetry.

I feel like I dont fit in anywhere, not even my own skin.. I dont belong anywhere.. and my identity.. who the hell am I now? I feel like I'm searching for something and dont really know how to do it.

Anyway.. enough blabber from me for now.. I'm bumming myself out even more. Good to see everyone here.. sorry I've been away so long.

 

[mouse]

Vcc123, Dont knock your self down so hard yes you have alot of identity issues right now, makes sense your life has changed greatly in a short period of time, you do belong, and you deserve to be happy, think about it you were not you because of your marriage you were you before you got married now you just need to find you, and you will. Great that you got a job should help getting to know people, I know its hard but keep looking you will find you again or a glimmer of you and we just go from there.
as far as docs go see if they have some that are pro rated, might help.
good luck your doing great

 

[Ubu]

I love you honey...... I told you, you are a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman. In one month you have moved set a nice home, gotten a job, and soon you will be able to start therapy down there. I know you need to do this for yourself. To find that independence.... that strength that you think you have lost. I see the strength in you everyday even before you left. Just in how you deal with this.

I just want you to know I am here for you....sometimes with support.....sometimes with frustration, because of my weakness. But I love you and I am here for you.

 

[vcc123]

See.. he's great.. I'm very lucky. (And I feel like such a puke for hurting everyone.)