I Need A Cliff

[Panda Bear]

Any place to jump, a place to drive my car off of.

I know these thoughts are irrational and not right.

I won't miss behave.

I'm just looking for a way out.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I udnerstand Panda

What helps is to occupy yourself with something to distance yourself from those thoughts, make a really complicated plan or something that will consume time and give you time to change your mind :hug:

Hopefully you get through this soon

 

[Nevermore]

Panda bear, I understand too. I've been feeling it myself lately.
but from losing someone this way I learned a few things - mostly that I am probably more loved than I realise, even more loved than the ones that love me realise they do . The pain is intense!
So I try to focus on that, knowing that if I could really feel the love of others I wouldn't want to do it. but people are mostly not great at loving. I include myself there. I feel it but think I have failed many times in expressing it!
It doesn't feel like it most of the time but we really are all in this together.
I like reading Buddhist literature. I think they tell the truth! Life is full of suffering but there is great joy and beauty too if we get wiser and more resilient!
I've raved on. I seem to do that a lot lately.
Just wanted to say ur not alone and hang in there! I will too!

 

[Panda Bear]

I know my thoughts are wrong and I won't act on them.

Ironically, I lost a parent to suicide....

 

[sun seeker]

Ironically, I lost a parent to suicide....

Not ironic at all. There is a repetition compulsion in us until we work through the trauma... besides whatever other circumstances in your life are making you feel this way.

Can you drop the "It's wrong to feel this way"? You do feel this way, because you are feeling so terrible. More guilt won't help. You are clear that you aren't going to act on your feelings, which is very good. I'd encourage you to express them though. Are you seeing your therapist soon?

 

[Tinyflame]

No words, but (((((((((( @Panda Bear )))))))))))), :hug: .

 

[Panda Bear]

@sun seeker . I have therapy tomorrow, and I already let him know how things are going.

And no, I can't drop the it's wrong....because it is wrong

 

[2narcissa]

@sun seeker . I have therapy tomorrow, and I already let him know how things are g...

Hope you feel better

 

[ms spock]

does Van Yoga with Panda Bear and hopes it helps a little

 

[sun seeker]

And no, I can't drop the it's wrong....because it is wrong

Acting on it would be wrong. Feeling it is not wrong. Just painful. I'll let you tease that one out with your therapist, but that's my opinion on the matter. ;)

 

[The Albatross]

When this kind of stuff pops up for me... the compulsive unwanted thoughts about just wanting it "over"... somewhere it morphed into a flag/warning system instead of active ideation or rumination. When the repetitive self harming thoughts start coming and keep going... I have to pause and in between do the assessments. WHAT is in my life right now that may be causing these thoughts? Is there anything causing frustration/futility/helpless/hopelessness that could have sparked off these thoughts? IF I allow my attention to stay and remain on these thoughts... what am I ignoring, avoiding, distancing myself from???

At some point for me it stopped be scary and anxiety producing or depressive... and it started being instructive.

 

[EveHarrington]

Whoops posted on wrong thread. Sorry!