I Need Advice

[BlueEyes]

I stopped going to therapy a few months ago because I felt that I was no longer comfortable with my therapist. I liked her but I didn't feel like she was helping me in the way I needed to be helped. She was my fourth therapist and I'm feeling very discouraged in finding a new one. Is there a particular approach anyone's therapist uses to help people with trauma that has worked for them so I kind of know what to look for.

 

[Beaglefan61]

Wow, this is very very tricky. There can be inept therapists and there can be simply incompatible therapists. Finding one who best suits our needs is not always easy. I myself thrive with some humanistic or client-centered leaning while these days cognitive behavioral is very popular (i like being heard for what my feelings are and finding my own way as opposed to much in the way of challenges - i challenge myself well enough usually). I wonder if you determining what you need would help in your search, though that itself is not always obvious to us until we have experienced it. Can't know how we respond to something until we have had it happen. It is okay to ask a therapist up front the style they prefer and if you don't know from the label they use, ask them to explain is all fair. I hope you find one that is good and good for your needs. It can be frustrating sometimes finding one who fits with us really well, yet once done it sure can make a heap of difference.

 

[ladee]

What @Beaglefan61 said.
Spend some time asking yourself what do you need.
In a way..you are interviewing someone for a job.
You will be paying them so you can be clear about your needs upfront.
I know you are frustrated. But it is worth the search..because you are worth the search.
Hoping you find what you need as it sounds like you are ready to get some healing done.
Hoping for a good outcome for you very soon.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I don't have a clear, and perhaps not even very helpful answer, but I get what you're saying. When I was initially trying to find a therapist years ago, I had one fall asleep on me, one made it feel like bible school instead of supportive counseling, another was extremely paternalistic, and another would only made eye contact when I arrived and when I left, making me feel quite strange in between.

I was frustrated, distraught, and finally said f*** it and stopped looking. Several years later, feeling even more buried under my emotions and experiences, I finally discovered the local community's abuse shelter and learned they offer free counseling to abuse victims, regardless of how long ago the incidents occurred.

I finally feel I've found a comfortable, safe, and sincerely supportive space. Wishing you more chances to find a better fit. The feeling of being taken seriously and having what feels like genuine communication about the most significant issues needing to be addressed vs. what felt like forced and pre-scripted generic expectations and responses is f'n priceless. May we all find our most helpful and healthful grooves with the various professionals we seek.

 

[mrsmegan]

For me, the absolute most important thing for my T was that there was a connection there and a genuine feeling that he cared about me. Of course, this comes after knowing he can handle "my stuff" - but for me it has been all about the relationship that we have built, the safety I feel in that room has paved the way to vulnerability and a vision of what healing will be for me. That's not to say it's easy - no it sucks - but the fact that I feel so safe and protected in that relationship, makes it somewhat tolerable.

Good for you to not give up - you are worth finding someone you click with and you believe can really help you.