Relationship I need clarity...

[Deleted member 44240]

I’m a supporter who’s really trying to understand my ex sufferer a little more. I read something very profound today concerning ptsd brought on by csa. I read that sometimes the illness will cause a sufferer to revert back to the age they were when they were traumatized, and that I (supporter) can be viewed as the perpetrator.

Needless to say, I was horrified to read this material. I know I can’t prevent certain emotions and thoughts from happening, but I never thought that a sufferer would have to endure delusional thoughts. My heart goes out to my ex even more now than before.

Can anyone share information supporting this? I welcome any supporter or sufferer who can give me some sound advice without malice.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you’re in danger of going down the rabbit hole and guessing at what’s going on from a distance.

I urge you to work on radical acceptance over guesswork.

 

[Snowflakes]

@B.J. I can’t give advice but I can share my experiences. My sufferer has been diagnosed and is in treatment for C-PTSD brought on by sexual abuse both as a child and as a young adult. She does have delusional thoughts that takes her back to the trauma and she accuses me of doing the same to her although not as severe and mostly at the adult level. The psychologist tells me that I cannot defend nor argue my innocence; that the beliefs are real to her. The psychiatrist has finally gotten the correct meds and dosages down where this happens much infrequently now.

I don’t know if your sufferer is in therapy; I hope so. I might suggest that you go to therapy to gain an understanding and coping skills. That was suggested to me here when I asked similar questions as you are. I did and it helped me.

Take care.

 

[Hojay]

I can share that my sufferer regresses when symptomatic. Even before I knew what was happening, I remembered thinking that his reactions are more like a 9 year old’s in those moments. Once I grasped that parts of him weren’t allowed to develop past that age (some coping strategies, world interpretations, emo regulation etc.) it was easier to not try to argue with with. I think a big part of therapy is bringing that little kid up to speed and establishing a healthy adult regulator. That can take years. But the projections, yes. He doesn’t project his perp’s sexual acts onto me (though he has shared that he struggles sometimes. That’s ok.) But he does project the psychological damage he has inflicted. I.e. he interprets some of my behavior or what i say as similar to his perp when he is triggered, not consciously, but his reactions show as much. Only thing you can do is draw a firm line and protect yourself in those moments. Get out, don’t engage, and most importantly, don’t believe him and question your goodness and sincerity. While working with triggers is fine, trying to manage or avoid those projections is not.

 

[Louski]

I think you’re in danger of going down the rabbit hole and guessing at what’s going on from a...

This is very good advice and I am going to refer back to it myself. Thank you